This writing is for my best friend (more than that actually)..i’m sorry gurl….
It was saturday. That was the worst night i’ve ever had. We were planning to have some fun at a club that night. Me, Alex and Lisa. Every inch of our plan was perfectly organized. It was 9pm and Alex still not leaving his house to our meeting point. At 10pm we eventually met. Out of planned, he came with his friend’s with a car instead a taxi cab. Damn! He told me we’re not going clubbing coz his friend gotta attend something else. I was in a state of confuse. I called Lisa and cancelling our night, i thought she’d understand but she didn’t. She told me that her friend already waiting at Bliss and she sound so desperate and confuse and suddenly she hang up my calling. I dunno what to do. I message he thru my cell phone try to say i’m sorry and explaining the whole thing. But all she sent in her reply is: “whatever”. I knew she was angry and disapointed. And worst thing is, in the car after i fought with my friend, he told me ok, let’s go to the club. So his friend drop us in the middle of the street and we took a taxi to the club. I waited her at the hall lobby coz i gotta feeling that she would showed up. And i was right. She was passing me by with an very disapointed look. I just exhale. I dunno what i’d do. I could felt her angry and disapointment. I go to the dance floor where she and her friend standing and i took her to were we sit trying to explaining and apologize. Good thing is she would listen, but that’s all. She go back to the dance floor and i still sat there with Alex. I got no mood to dance or do nothing. But suddenly Lisa was standing in front of me and took me by the hand and we walked to the dance floor. I asked her if she was still angry but she said no. I know she’s still angry a bit. I felt a cold wind and relief after that.
It was over but i could still felt the guilty. In my room, my heart is breaking coz i’m breaking hers. I wa in the edge of tears. We never angry at each other before, never. I love her more than anything in this universe. No other relationship could measure this. Just a very great huge of love i felt for her and ucha. Since i have nothing in this world, not even parents, i really dont wanna lose them. My world will be over, my air to breathe will be gone. I know this is sound so dramatic but i dont care. I would never do something to break her heart no more. I’m sorry. Coz i love you so much gurl…
Archive for April, 2005
My Air To Breathe
The Ghost In Me
Gawd! I’m a bit pissed off today. My lecturer that was supposed to help me with my project didn’t show up. Wutta hell. It’s raining again today. I’m a bit early to my work place after hours in my campus. Phew, what a day. Urrmm..last nite i was talking to my ex (ade, i know you’re gonna read this, just want u to know) we discuss all our problems and unfinished bussines.. Four years of our relationship was really meant something for both of us. We talk much. I know that even i had so many good memories with this person, i still going through bad things as other relationship does. Well, We always base our realtiionship with honesty, no matter how much its hurts. Painful really, but it help us making our ways. I still have that lil piece cord of care even sometimes i do posses hate. Hmm, we break up for so many times for so many excuses and reasons. But this time its for good. We are a quite different person from the first time we met. Many things have change, from nothing into something. Postivive vibe and many development has occured in bothof us. Nice. We decide that we can’t stay together anymore. But at the same time we also cannot totally forgotting each of us. We’re ghost for the rest of us. You’re there, but you’e not there. Hard to accept logically, but we don’t think…we feel. So, the book has its last chapter. But not the last word, we love what we had but never look back too often..hehe. What I resist persists and speaks louder than I know. What I resist you love no matter how low or high I go. You see everything you see every part. You see all my light and you love my dark. You dig everything of which. I’m ashamed. There’s not anything to which you can’t relate. And you’re still here…thank you.
Bonjour!
Comment allez vous les gens! it’s been a great day. I’ve got a new friend, his name is Kesya. We met from friendster *like the rest of us* and he’s quite unique and fun loving person. He loves french so much. He loves blond and be outrageous. We had quite some conversation in these couple of days. He work at one of the hot list club in Jakarta as a GRO. He’s funny and he really make my day. But that’s not the only reason why i’m blissfully happy. reyna is working for her first day at promo departement. Exhausting she said, but she’s happy, i could tell from the way she looks. What a day. Also, i had so many hours of napping today. Just woke up at 11. Phew, got some house hold to do but that’s ok. Party hard, work hard. Hehe. My work mate, on the other hand is not so happy. Infact, he’s quite moody today. Dunno why maybe he’s got some issues to handle, eh? Don’t give a damn. But he sure does makes my work environment suxx. He punched things around and act like a little girl all day.
Whatever dude..
But one thing for sure, he is sooooooo jealous that my gurl got her new job becoz of he SKILL.
Eat that!
Today is just like any other day, but some little things is changing. Phasing to another new level, positive things. Thank you dear Lord.
Separatism
Last night before i go home from work, i called one of my friend, Elisa. We talk about how could a person in their social life still having that kinda connection with their faith and believe to their God. Like for example, me. I loves clubbing, drinking and partying sometimes, thus still i go to church and sing to the Lord. She’s a bit confused. I said that me and most of us are still human being. For me personally, i cant be someone full percent holly and stuff. I like to keep the balance inside of me. There are times for everything. I know that the light couldn’t mix with the dark. But that’s me y’all. I’m trying to do goods, and at the same time still having fun. I dont do crazy shits and messin’ around. Just having fun. She’s still don’t get it. Well, if she knows me well, she would.
Wutta Sunny Dae!
Semalem gw balik ke rumah. Emang niatnya mo pulang seh mo nyuci, eh di telpon juga am tante gw katanya ada orang yg neror lewat telepon mo bakar rumah, and so-on and so-on. I dont give a damn much. Udah lapor polisi, so what to worried *tapi yg dikawatirin yah polisi disini…hehe*
Anyway, tadi siang udah nyampe bonjer lagi. Gila, panas buangeeet!! Rencananya tadi pagi seharusnya mo berenang ama Oliver, my cousin. Tadi si bodat sakit, ga jadi de. Well, pas nyampe kos-an beli es jeruk dan berusaha tidur buat ntar sore kerja. Ternyata ga bisa tidur walaupun ada kipas angin, tidurnya cuma bisa guling-gulingan. Eh ternyata pas gw liat jam udah waktunya mandi dan kerja…damn!
Ya udah, jalan dengan tangan di dahi gaya hormat (mataharinya kejam nian). Begitu udah di gerbang kantor ktemu temen reporter, dia bilang kaos gw lepek banget, bassssah. Well, udah resiko di jakarta yg gw sayangin, benci namun butuh, panas, macet, (kalo diterusin neh blog isinya makian doank)…
Untung nyampe di dalem, AC-nya serasa angin segeerr…ueenak tenaaan…
PS: biasanya kalo panas ginnih, sore ato malemnya bakalan ujan…
Handsomely Rewarded
Today the Pope is burried. So many followers so many tears,
and many more respect that reflected in prayers.
On the other side of the world, one of my co-worker, Reyna, she got a new position as the new assistant promo. She loves her up coming job. After all her prayers, cried so many nights and too many emotional waste that is directed for me for no reason. At least she’s got what she’s wanted.
She’s single, kinda happy (i dunno, hell) and she’s trying to be independent even though she’s not (i know u gurl..). Anyway, she’s been thru quite so many things to get this position.
Things aren’t as easy as what some people are hoping. For example for me, when i wanted something even though its something like mini-wishing, i gotta have to given out some extra sweat for it.
Like if you put it in numbers, 95% EFFORT, 4% PRAYER and 1% LUCK. Silly eh, but hey it’s life!
But that kinda stuff makes me in aposition as an “i’m strong and i could do it” person. When all the boundaries and troubles had passed, i’m handsomely rewarded. Either from other people but mostly from myself. And i’m proud of it.
Shaquiella
When the moon show its shine
It is the time that all mine
Leaving a mark under a bamboo tree
Let love be wild and free
For all being and creatures
That Lord has create with every features
Neither regrets nor failures
Time erase everything and never returned
What it has done and what have you learn
Sunbeam and daydream
Sparkle flames in the darkness of the castle
Dive and bathe upon me
Be nice and touch words so gentle
Leave shades blue, gray and white in central
Every life and soul we met and see
Nothing could satisfy a hunger but let it be
Shaquiella, my only temple of wisdom
Gives me a never-ended freedom
The corridor of days lies on the floor of your eyes
Tor Cheney Nahana
We all need some help along the way
Try to stay in peace for a second
And listen to what the stars have to say
Fear for what has to be spoken
The ground rumble as your power and energy
Another feather falls for its dignity
Because time has to change to another level of mind
See the words that’s playing the sign
It’s so clear and loud
Heart know that you have no limit
Stand for what you’ve fought
If its roar inside your past just tame it
Somebody somewhere sometime
Will say you are sweet, strong and you’re mine
That is the edge to what you have achieve
Feeling to what you believe
Not a few not one piece but massive
Inside you’ll know that you is what you are
Chants of the devil will be given another chance
To make you stronger in every war dance
Every time every rhyme
Stolen Pureness
Moonrise on the shore of my blunt mind
Never been so tender and kind
Twice I sang to the world that’s lost its shine
But I’m trying to make it mine
Slowly the clouds burst into red
That’s what the angels said
They’ve lost their pureness in hands of blade
Dirt and sand that’s what they’re made
The cup is the future
The snake is your present
In every ground and culture
Mortals live and blinded
Lets bathe upon this lake of sadness
And warmed under thousand of kisses
Open yourself to the sun
Be wise and let the work should be done
No more languages to speak
No more emotions are too weak
The holy snake destroys and creates
Slowly but sure the fortune will fades
Under the full moon and the half rising
Finding the part what’s been missing
Sunday, one of my most favourite day of the week. Why? becoz it’s time again for people to go to church and sing to the Lord. I love singing, makes me happy. Simple eh? After the sunday mass today, me and some friends going to teh house of one of our belated friend, Max. he just lost his father recently and we’re giving a solace for him and his family. And the day before that, my friend’s friend just lost her father also.Oh yeah, feel bad for those people who just experience earthquake in Sumatra island. God rest their souls & those in desperation. Even today, the Pope passed away this morning. Well, he already got himself a seat up there anyway. This afternoon it was raining, even though the sun is shining brightly. Not an odd event, raining ina middle of a sunny day. I love when it began to rain. The sky is turning grey and black *but not today* and people are rushing for a shelter. The air felt so cool with the sound effect coming from the thunder. As i sit and watched the rain from inside the bus (i was heading home), i think that death is not an end. It’s just a beginning of a freedom for your mind and untamed energy from your flesh form. But the grief is for those left living, the pain of memories. Deal with that y’all. Rain is pouring its drops of water gently on to the ground. Gives a fresh hope for the living to continue their journey. And i fell asleep.
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