After all these life journeys that i have been through, i have realized that i’ve changed. Not much, just something that i already knew with the time who had reminds me. Things are changing But
nothing changes and still, there are changes.
I’m a perfectionist guy, i want everything in order the way i want so that people are happy. Seems quite selfish, but i’m not taking people’s right for doing this.
They’re free, i’m free. For me, the result of what i have achieved is not important, but the main thing is the process of doing it and what i have learned from it.
I’m moody, don’t know why, i just know it. Heart is the engine of my body but brain is the engine of my life. Sometimes i cannot stand up for myself, even for what’s right. Sometimes i cannot let go of something from the past, still learning. The “i’m a present person” has changed.
My words hurts people for what it’s worth. All truth are hurts baby.
One thing for sure, no one have the power to control me. Only me and God that has the power over me. You cannot boxed me, i’m free yet changeable.
My world it moves so fast today. The past it seems so far away. And life squeezes me so tightly that i can’t breathe. But deep in my heart, the answer, it was in me. And I made up my mind to define my own destiny.
Archive for May, 2005
Rebirth Of The Past
Morphing Thru Time
It’s raining in a middle of the day. And it’s quite cool in the office with the air-con and everything. Today was supposed to be my day off, but my supervisor phone me last nite and told me to guide the new trainee @ the office today. Damn. But i couldn’t reject his request, not because i’m licking his ass but coz this new trainee is my own cousin. Damn again.
These few days that has passes me in my so human void type of life has driven me to some thoughts. I realize the changes that occured around me. They have change me i some part. I thought i have getting myself thru with this issue, but i didn’t. I talked to my ex last nite, and we discuss this (again). The point is i just gotta let it flow, that’s what i was being told. But i’m not quite fond of it. Some part of me like the old calm dark me. But the other part like this changes that has brought me into some realism and “adventure” in some part. Life is no fun without suprises. That’s why i don’t like palm reading and knowing too much about the future. Hm…i have lost my track these days. I don’t know where i am. I don’t know what i want. What makes it more ironic is the only who could help me is myself. Maybe the preacher would say that Christ could help me. But i’m not having problem with my faith. I’m not losing my religion. It’s just my mind has lost its grip and sense of direction. I tried to be cheerful but that’s not me. And i tried to be part of my shadow, i’m too bright for them. I’m in the middle of my crossing of life or what these human called: welcome to the 20’s. Oh well, i know i will get through this moment. Life is trying to teach me something. It’s not about the result, it’s the process that i should learn…
My girlfriend is so pissed at me me today. She saw my profile (i change it somedays ago) i changed my status from “in a relationship” to “domestic partner”. She was so angry, she wrote a message in my fs inbox and send me an sms letting me know that she was mad. At first i didn’t get what she was yapping about, but then i called her and she explained everything. I laughed heartily. It was the most non-sense thing i’ve ever heard. For me a status isn’t so important. I mean, like ok, you have this realtionship with someone but you don’t feel it inside, what for then? What most important is the connection and vibe between you two. I dont give a shit about status or any shit like that. Really. She said that people would think different about our status if i wrote it like that. I dont give a damn about other people think. What is important is about me and her, rite? Hell to people…!
And i never felt like i belonged to somebody, i’m the master of me and my Christ. She is my girl rite now, but sorry babe, you’re not my owner. Harsh i know. But its life. Reality hurts. Honesty hurts. Just don’t take this problem as a big deal. It may sound a bit selfish. But all i could say: take it or leave it. Love you sweety, just don’t go too far…know what i mean? Peace y’all 
Down To Earth
Gawd! My days are so filthy and normal. It may seems strange, but that’s how i feel. I feel so human this passed month. I was sick for 3 days just doing all human so-no-important things but still-need-to. I dont get it. How i could blend in with all around me and i’m still doing it.
The only thing that kept me alive in this so low life is my awareness. I know that i’m not them. But i had to live with them. The me inside is depressed. Need to struggle. The urge of living and breathing. I dont really like the way i lived these days, but i had to. I missed my days when i could looked down from my higher place. Need to change. But i hate changes. See? I think like the way they think now..i have to save myself from this place.
Recent Comments