Bra1n-w@shed

i can’t understand the way people connect or even trying to have a bind between others in their so low pathetic life’s? There’s no advantage in doing so. maybe it’s just a little expectation rising up from their odd mind. but i remember, even a little hope could tear you down and rip you apart into pieces. these few days i’ve experienced that kinda situation, but with more anger and disapointment.
even yesterday, my friend’s at work who promised to pick me up and go to the office together coz we’ll have a morning meeting. she was so late and uninformative, i was in a calm rage, i walked out of my crib in a late position and i don’t give a shit if my boss’s finds out. i go by myself, took a transportation, and pretend that nothing bad happen in my unstarted workday. see, the only person i could depend is myself. he never let me down so much, except in times where my endorphin is way high and i can’t think which is good and bad.
my MP3 USB flashdisk is fucking broken, my heart, my joy, my world of gettaway is now motionless. i dunno what el se these days could brought me in such disaster. i don’t like this boiling side of my personality actually. for me it’ s like wasting my energy when i could use it for some other activities. and on monday, my co-worker in a different departement really let me down. Jodie was really a screw up that day. a costumer, my best costumer, order through me by phone after we had a little chat and i did wrote everything down regardless my unstrong memory. and i gave that order to jodie so he could process it right away and pick it up. this particular costumer pays  in 2 different method, her credit card for one item and her downline card for other items (becoz it’s her downline purchase actually). but when i was not there and the order was being picked up by this lady, she was mad becoz all payment was deducted from her downline’s card! whoa, we’re not talking abot small amount of money here. so she called me up and told me how disapointed her with this thing happen. i checked and i found out in my note for jodie i did write 2 different method of payment. and jodie just give an easy answer and in my translation, he said "it’s not my fucking problem". i was mad like a dog, i’m not talking to him directly, i go to his supervisor. this thing with didn’t happen once, but twice but another problem was i made an order and he/his departement made it a week after. what a dummy ass.
and since this is month closing, working hours is like living in hell. reports, diagrams, forecast, and everything about closing sales with a high mark up. last night my head is being poked wity numbers, even though i’m home, resting. fuuh…we did make it but only 80% of our target. but hey, we did our best. talking about disapointment, it did happen to me many times. they comes especially from people i did trusted before. that’s why  i don’t like talking ort making connections (too intimate) with new people or even having a deeper relationship with my people i already know. i don’t trust them. when it comes on in a rough time, they  act like they doesn’t know you at all. it’s useless in my opinion connection your emotion with other individuals when that is the cause of your suffering. i’d rather be with someone i know inside out, that is myself.

Another nite alone in my so free weekend. i’m listening to Underworld soundtracks rite now. infact, i just watch the sequel of it; Underworld: Revolution with ucha @ setiabudi. Lisa ain’t coming coz she’s out with her frenz. deasy is asking me clubbing but when i called her, she sounded lazy and not intent to so i cancel it off. me and ucha had dinner in sabang for a nice chicken fried rice and peanut sauce. yummy. fatty. my day today in the office is just amazing. it’s a word closer to good better than nice, hehe. everything went smooth. i just been reading my blogs months ago. so pale, sweet and full of shit. i mean my days with i-know-who was sunshine, then sunset and then winter pale. haha. oh yeah, i could laugh on it. but still sometimes, when i heard the word titi dj, hearing her songs, walking near fatmawati or PIM still giving me a creep. i couldn’t deny it. but what i must confess is i know something that no one could compare . hehe…tounge’s knows the good stuff! anyway, it was an old page. i dunno what else to do rite now. gawd, this Renholder guy really makes a great music!! i think i’d like to get his CD sometime later. Underworld is great from the graphic and technical side. but from script, you must see the first piece first, then you’d understand the sequel. still dark, but more sex and blood. kinda cool but from scale 1 to 10 i give a 7. but what is amazing they could pack the old story of battle between Lycan and Das Vampyre into a modern battle action. good times…good times…especially the love between Selena & that hybrid guy, a dark romantic one. just like my story. romantic yet still in the shadowy side. i gotta keep it low this time. better shut my yap or i’ll lose it. but what i get in return in kinda worthed. i don’t believe in love anymore if you ask me. what i believe is just communication and action. between two hormones strokes in a single chemical reaction, brought out words and thougths of a sweet future. i don’t put too much hope in it. i just do present dude. not like the past lesson, this time i give my feelings a tiny itty bitty chance. i turn up a bit of my "human" switch this time. having myself a little fun yet stay alert and cold as i could be. like singing a lullaby in a middle of daylight.

rain is gone i feel the wind brightest stars shinin’ in a new life for love has come through wish i had the words to describe ridged feelings i’m so alive let me tell you what i gained since leaving u no more breathing down my back not to sure how to act or even waitin for you to say i love you(i love you) i’ll kiss myself and say a pray and feel the point of lovin when you were here lovin’ me means more to me then losing you feels just like heaven and a sunny day definitely heaven and a sunny day feels just like heaven and a sunny day basically heaven and a sunny day