lately i’ve been stupifying myself again.
in a such dramatic and mellow kinda way i remember those sweet times. times where
i’ve had someone. an intimate person that we spent in such a mutual ways of
dialogues, caressing thoughts and tender kisses. i guess it just periodically for
people like me. being alone from affection and still get addicted for it. yeah,
i’m a supposed former infatuation junkie. just because i seen his pictures or
reading his sms it doesn’t mean i’m a pathetic loser. i don’t know whether i’ve
passed that 5 stage of self acception. i’ve been through unawareness, denial,
anger and fear. but i never know if i did make it through to acceptance. an
understanding of myself that life isn’t that short and foolishly spoiled into 
times for being alone and pitty for myself. the universe sometimes revolved
around me. i’m the sun in my world which makes me blind that i have so many
things to concern about outside of my selfishly ego. hunger, poverty, desease,
economic frustation, world peace, discriminations and so much other. but how come
i ever think is about me? i shouldn’t make reason after reason just to make me
feel better and get away instead facing it. he don’t love me so be it. not just
because Tweet saying "..And even if the bad times call, if I had you back I
wouldn’t complain at all", i suddenly change my mind and skip the part
survivorness inside me. so many things i wanted but so little time God have given me.
giving in for being out, that’s what i should do. so many understanding from my
environments, an encouragement from my loyal community that i took for granted. i
should’ve change. not for anyone, not for anything but for the sake of my mind.
talking about changes. i’m kinda blue today at work. the bird is trying to leave his cage. wondering to the big blue sky. that bird can’t stand the cold & dimp of the forest we lived in. some bird just don’t fit in in some habitat ya know? feel sorry
for him. i got notthing to say but i’m gonna miss u birdy…
well, friends come and go but i should hold on to the precious few. work is like
hell lately because we are going to held a big agenda this april. i love it.
rushing and screaming between sea of deadlines and reports. hehe..life is
just….enigmatic.
*dedicated to a big bird, a big old buddy bird of mine….
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