i didn’t realize how Yogyakarta was ruined. more than 5000 people died in that
earthquake. i’m not much of a person who really cares about other people.
especially miseries. i dunno. maybe i’m used to pain and suffering so i’m not too
concern with another misery happening all around me. call me selfish, call me
cruel or one sick bastard. but, yesterday my eyes suddenly rolling its tears,
right at my work desk & only one of my friend knows about this. yes, in a middle
of nothing i suddenly felt my heart torn to pieces. as if you lost your mom and
dad, or u heard the news of ur loved one died. strange, no more than that,
totally freaking shit. a compiled of a large amount of people’s emotion hit me on
my head and strike me in my heart. maybe what i’m talking is sounds like crap to
you. at that particular moment i felt a huge sadness towards nothing. what a
wimp, as i thought of myself.
but i’m sorry, i just couldn’t help myself with this. could u stop ur heart from
beating? i know some indians could, but that’s not the point. i seek an answer
for this strange insident, and my friend said, maybe there’s something to do with
with Jogja. i said, hell no. i know what’s happening there, but i’m not some holy
man who’s rush to save the world when parts of it in great disaster. i don’t
care. but damn it, yesterday was hellavah day for me. i couldn’t focus on my job.
i was so gloomy, a black cloud stop over me and giving me so many bad feelings.
and then couple hours later my boss (she already went back from Itally and
brought me a nice mug) she told us to call each of our client especially lived in
Jogja. just to find out whether they’re ok and such. and i thought, hmm..what a
coincidence..hehe. i called some of my accounts and quite sad really listening on
the phone of their stories. there’s this women, cried as i called her. her dad
was one of the quake victims. burried under their house. another man told me he
lost his whole factory and house. they lived in their relative’s residence. some
others are just fine, but left with this horrible trauma whenever they heard a
rumble, a small shake, or just noises. well, my work place start to gathering
money and living supplies to be sent out to Jogja.
sometimes i wonder what are those human doing exactly. one moment they go into
war, fighting over something that’s not even clear about. or destroying their own
living planet with toxic, anger or stupidness. not that i’m agree or disagree
about this whole crap, no. i don’t really into other’s doing or what the hell
they r up to. what i have in mind is, strange to see how people behave. at one
time we are so indivualistic when other time we are gathered in one whole same
situation? what is this…? human are so weird. i cannot predict what they are up
to in another second i turned myself away from them. one of my best friend once said to me:
If you ever get close to a human 
and human behaviour
be ready to get confused
there’s definitely no logic
to human behaviour
but yet so irresistible
there is no map
to human behaviour
they’re terribly moody
then all of a sudden turn happy
but, oh, to get involved in the exchange
of human emotions is ever so satisfying
…and she is so right.
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