Bra1n-w@shed

i was so tired yesterday after LOi training at the office. i was in charge for the rundown of the event. from handling sound, visual, scenario, videos, music and other technical stuff at the control room. i got no one at my back. not mentioning IT staff who i cannot depent at all. anyway, my friend as the MC that morning, it was his first time so i cannot blame for his nervous and out of focus for his presentation. after the event i was so darn sleepy since last nite i was doing sound check until late and wake up so early even the birds still in their bed. i go home, eat something and sleep. in my nap time, i’m day dreaming, literally. i was dreaming Jesus came to my very living place. well, i didn’t see His face but somehow my mind are telling me that’s the big guy from upstairs. with all His glory and shiny clothing he goes to the second floor where my room is. He go to the bathroom, brushing the walls & the floor. i saw it was clean, but as He brush them, there is still some dirt left, dropping to the floor. i think He’s trying telling me something. and He walked to my room as i followed, he check out my drawers, looking at my CD rack next to my PC. i think he mentioned about some porns (i didn’t actually saw His lips moving but sorta telepathic thing ya know..) suddenly i was full of shame and guilt with all that porn my cousins left there when we was hanging out together. there was something that makes me scared as he knows every words coming in my mind and heart. some kinda guilt telling me i’m not living in His way. something was definitely gone wrong.

i woke up and i start to think…i hadn’t had any religiously connected dream for sometime. well, Jesus did came to me in my younger years, but then it stopped until today. i’m not ashamed revealing what i am. i ain’t the holliest man alive. i’m just a human who wants some peace in my life and hoping everything always going right, my way. well, some of us think that "our way" is the best way. well, it isn’t. life always telling us by hitting the spot deep down inside of every individual what is right, what is the truth. don’t care whether you’re a friend of Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha, Mother Mary or whatever, there is always a way to tell us we’re not doing something right. its good i was being reminded by dream, some people learn the hard way. either it by illness, pain, suffering, pennyless or losing something we love. i couldn’t get too far from the word fun, but i want that fun to be right, get wutta mean? in anyway, i’m just a learning man.

I’m not perfect , yes I do wrong

I’m trying my best

But It aint good enough

Shunned by the world

But He still loves me,,,but the Lord still loves me!