Bra1n-w@shed

mom is sick. she fell just a couple yard from our resident and some guys from our

hood help her back home. i wasn’t home at that time. she couldn’t walk. her

body’s temperature are boiling and she looked so weak. after she and my aunt

go to the doctor, the result was she suffer from a low blood pressure. and the

answer of her weakness & illness was she didn’t eat for two days. that’s like

stupid.
everyday she always yapping to me don’t forget to eat, that i’m stupid coz i

picky in food, that i’m dumb for not having enough vegetables. well, look who’s

talking now?! HELLO…! lying on the bed for your stupidness. there is no reason

to forget your meal even for a substantial job you’ve had. anyway, last night i

was having fun with ACIL at Hardrock, releasing all that never ending working

hours. but as i got home, i had to take care of her. i moved her TV, bedside

table, and her clothes from the 2nd level to downstairs. she could hardly walk,

how she’d get up on those ladders i thought. she won’t eat, even after the doctor

says if se won’t eat, she’ll eat through needles & pipe i’m tellin’. so i had to feed

her, make her dinner and give it to her mouth while help her sit while she ate. i

dunno, after al this time she treated me so bad, i just couldn’t leave her alone. i

know i’m not that nice, especially to her. i start to think of time and how much

communication we had. almost none. childhood stuff is nothing, but as i grew

older, i never got what i should as in parenting development to their growing

youngster. i start to think of death. the room she’s sleeping now was the room

my late aunt that died of diabetes. and if this person sitting next to me is a

gonner too, i know what i’d do. at least i couldn’t say "she’s the only one i have

in this whole uinverse" becoz i never felt that way. she never made herself in

that position. i couldn’t predict how’s my emotion in that moment i’d face

someday. i’m not scared of death. i never cried in any funeral except my

beloved cat, Blackblack. somehow i know what i would face but how i would go

through it is a whole different story. 

It’s sometimes just like sleeping
Curling up inside my private tortures
I nestle into pain
Hug suffering
Caress every ache
I play dead,
It stops the hurting