Bra1n-w@shed

i believe everything happens in no coincidence. as i was touched by God.
i just lost my mobile phone. my beloved super feature mobile phone. how i lost it was not

important, since it’s still a mystery even to myself. this month i kinda forgot fulfilling my

due in giving my share in His glory as i do every month for my grateful.
He touches me this way, reminds me that i have lived so posh, i start to forgetting where i

get it. i was sad, angry & confuse ofcourse but somehow i’m happy. not to mention that i’m

a kind of person that cannot expressed my emotions, correctly i mean. i just learned

various emotion that i could actually or should have have. but from my early age, i don’t

feel them, really. like when i should be angry at the time i lost my bike, i feel nothing, just

empty. or when my aunts died, i didn’t cry just quiet inside. i never been angry or actually

be in a physical fight with someone, i never hit back. but i remember, someone i dislike so

much in the past and suddenly he just went ill for a few days afterwards.
anyway, back to our related topic. i lost my mobile phone and that’s it. it’s a lesson that

sometimes people need to look back just for a simple reminder what we already have now.
my past week was a week of freedom. a moment where i could really expressed my i really

want in my own free time. i start to understand myself, pleasuring my inner body towards

a level i once reached and lost in it. 

i paint (here’s one of the four massive styrofoam i did) , i create poems, i think, i sing, i ride my bike

again in midnite air and i see the "me" i left behind for all these money making activities.

i love the dark i use to create beyond all of my sunshine in my book of days. in sadness i

could feel the energy i need. funny to some people, or even freaky to those who actually

knows me after sometime. but yeah, i’m proud of the oddness inside. of all the lesson i

learn and moments i’ve burn, i grew into this individual who gives respect to the meaning of

life. in any forms, i believe things do have their own reason. even the slightest change really affect

me in somewhat way. that’s why i love pay attention to details human does and kept

forgetting. i try to learn and feel them. as i was always saying, the result is not important.

the biggest concern to me is the process. after all, we’re just dreamers in endless space…

i watched the crucifix hanging silently high on my room wall. or in any part of people’s houses, buildings, t-shirt, body ornaments, books, even underground clubs. for me, i saw in not as a religious ornaments, but as an object men trying to get involved with. how they adore this stuff as much as signs, sculptures or any other representative that means much for them. despite i’m a christian, doesn’t mean i HAVE to put on those thing inside my room. this crusufix has been in this house from my grandma was a baby i guess. it’s made of metal -heavy as hell- but it’s nice. some of its part is stained by time. but my question is why do people like to have them… is it because of faith? a representative of what they believe in? or just something to prove to the society? an identity or a mark for they long life journey…? for myself, i love it as an art object. mostly in my drawing, i always put a sentimental cross or something that looks like a cross. another thing i love to make was human with huge wings on their back or some may reffer them with angels. i’m so fanatic about angels. but i dunno, just a likeness i guess, i always drew them in pain. some of them with their head tied, or body trapped in wires. sound nuts? u bet. or their wings stabbed with a cross. nothing were intented for any means, my hands have their own soul ya know…but these two object were something i adore most, crosses & angels. i believe it’s just a reason of time that now they were the closest representative of a particular religion. all the people in the world could believe in them, if they want to. for me christian signs are pieces of mysteries. with their gigantic buildings, or huge sculptures. something always amaze me that everytime i want to put them in my drawings. i learn both world, good and evil. i don’t curse to other who believes the opposite way of what we’re trying to have faith in. they have their own reason too. in my poems, sometimes i mention the risen of the dark age. maybe that’s what makes me have no friends in my early years. i don’t think that it would be fair to see someone’s life from one side of the coin. our eyes won’t fit their landscape. see everything from ur deepest mind. just like yin and yang. the light only works when we showed them in the dark. i always try to understand what’s going on with my soul, touched them with the inner me. i can’t do it by judging them for the sake of my community. when someone are trapped in a paradigm it will stigmatize their point of view. oh well, who gives a damn of what i say anyway…i’d better got to bed now. almost morning. got tons of work to do tomorrow. g’nite world!