today i just bought 4 massive styrofoam. i thought of making a very big painting
and i’ll put ‘em up my wall. as i brought those styrofoam outta the vehicle, one
of my aunts was the first person who sees it. she started to hit me with her so
negative words and energy towards my action -and everything i do, even my
guitar lesson and that art festival i joined- as i told her what was the purpose i
bought those stuff. i never got a real support from these people. i never feel
them as a part of my family, since i never got that vibe as what human called:
family connectivity. anyway, i never mind what people say, especially from my
closest flesh community. so many questions running up my noggin. not a single
answer comes from the outside. i’m just trying to be bold, ready to explore the
wild side of me. my days are prepared to be unfold, i’m not afraid to face the
future, even there are some who against me. just wanna stand up and be counted.
i’m ready to rise again.
i got my three day off from work, from monday until lazy wednesday. and today
is my last day of self free no work days. i try to dig up a part of myself i left
buried under all of my money making activities. felt tired, sick and fed up
lately.
i enjoy myself in my room, as i rarely get outta my small box except eat
and bathroom, i just try to finish my thesis just to graduate of that stupid law
school. most of my times are entertained by the simpsons family and the wacko
city of springfield or start doing my meditation again. oh yeah, btw i already
moved my bedroom to an empty room just next to my old joint. it’s a bit small,
but it’s cozy. back in the good old days, i usually redecorate my room every
four months or so, just to get an inspiration or recharged my wrecked spirit. i
just dance crazy in my underwear or playing Pharaoh in my pc. i try to
understand my character, by simply sit and see the black starless night. lately i
found me extend to an entirely different level of personality. i wouldn’t say
complex, coz i like simple things. but as i grown over the years, things do change.
i realize those stuff i like back then, is something stupid now in the reflection
of the-more-mature-me. i don’t like that concept. but i always try to take the
best of it. many people don’t support me, understand or try to really interact
with me, or just walk with me in my development voyage. the sad thing was they
are my closest people. never mind, i already got many people on my back. it may
be a few, but trustful ones.
so i’m ready with my brush, ideas, colors, gigantic styrofoam (in which the
people at the store watching me like some kinda freak dragging those really big
objects). good old me. not all the old stuff is bad ya know…
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