today i just bought 4 massive styrofoam. i thought of making a very big painting
and i’ll put ‘em up my wall. as i brought those styrofoam outta the vehicle, one
of my aunts was the first person who sees it. she started to hit me with her so
negative words and energy towards my action -and everything i do, even my
guitar lesson and that art festival i joined- as i told her what was the purpose i
bought those stuff. i never got a real support from these people. i never feel
them as a part of my family, since i never got that vibe as what human called:
family connectivity. anyway, i never mind what people say, especially from my
closest flesh community. so many questions running up my noggin. not a single
answer comes from the outside. i’m just trying to be bold, ready to explore the
wild side of me. my days are prepared to be unfold, i’m not afraid to face the
future, even there are some who against me. just wanna stand up and be counted.
i’m ready to rise again.
i got my three day off from work, from monday until lazy wednesday. and today
is my last day of self free no work days. i try to dig up a part of myself i left
buried under all of my money making activities. felt tired, sick and fed up
lately.
i enjoy myself in my room, as i rarely get outta my small box except eat
and bathroom, i just try to finish my thesis just to graduate of that stupid law
school. most of my times are entertained by the simpsons family and the wacko
city of springfield or start doing my meditation again. oh yeah, btw i already
moved my bedroom to an empty room just next to my old joint. it’s a bit small,
but it’s cozy. back in the good old days, i usually redecorate my room every
four months or so, just to get an inspiration or recharged my wrecked spirit. i
just dance crazy in my underwear or playing Pharaoh in my pc. i try to
understand my character, by simply sit and see the black starless night. lately i
found me extend to an entirely different level of personality. i wouldn’t say
complex, coz i like simple things. but as i grown over the years, things do change.
i realize those stuff i like back then, is something stupid now in the reflection
of the-more-mature-me. i don’t like that concept. but i always try to take the
best of it. many people don’t support me, understand or try to really interact
with me, or just walk with me in my development voyage. the sad thing was they
are my closest people. never mind, i already got many people on my back. it may
be a few, but trustful ones.
so i’m ready with my brush, ideas, colors, gigantic styrofoam (in which the
people at the store watching me like some kinda freak dragging those really big
objects). good old me. not all the old stuff is bad ya know…
So sorry to hear that you have no intimate connections with your close family, but it doesn’t really matter. Family just blood relatives and don’t deserve to be called family if they don’t act like one. What matters the most is that we do what we believe in and stick to it as long as it doesn’t hurt others. In your case, you love art and paintings so just do art and paint as much as you like, regardless how much motivation you get from others. We are free people!!
The most important thing in life, from my point of view, is that we develop ourselves the best we can, build our personalities and characteristics to be better over time. But what people usually do is create a circumstances and environments which will hold up their characteristics and personalities. This ain’t right because when the society changes, we would change too, to the same direction as the society’s change, which could be positive or negative.
what do u choose…?
loosing your art talents or having a real connectivity with your flesh connection?…
do what u wanna do brotha!
You will be fine. You are still the same old you. Just relax and be yourself. I am also doing the same thing. I am happy of what i am now. Get free and fly high.
everything will be ok..
that’s one of the anticipation..
you must face it with serenity..
keep up your job…
good luck bro!!
hey! something funny..i’ve just had exactly the same thing happened to me. with the same sort person. so, i guess i no how u feel. but bear in mind, these kinds of people also do good to our lives. they train us to be strong and NOT being a wimp. though one! keep on being yourself…
Ur good in weaving titles for ur write ups… you might want to extend that to the content… ciao, dude!
Having A Personal Relationship With God
There is only one place where we will find the true love and acceptance that we are looking for and that is in a personal relationship with God. We were all born with a God sized “hole in our soul” that can only be filled by God Himself. Many of us have tried to fill this void with other things, but it is like putting a square peg in a round hole…it just doesn’t fit.
huhh..im in the ofc but i got hooked reading your posts…
a family is not just through a flesh and blood connection for their are actually just a temporary one. seek for those who are in the real sense of being a family. they are those who simply love the lord and pursue for him…they are your real family…it is a huge household duh!..you’re not yet home and you have to be home…that is where you can only find acceptance, peace, serenity and joy in its truest sense…
i actually just got home and i will never run away gain…never…
yeah…i understand where you’re coming from…family—the people you expect to be always there for you–to support you to become a better person and get your dreams–are sometimes the people who will pull you down to the ground.
more or less, i can relate to your situation… but, anyways…we cannot choose the family where we came from, but never mind…you can create your own.
just continue to be yourself and do the things you believe in…
in the end, you only have yourself.
its so sad they’re not supporting u with what u have (talent) abd what u want… but sooner or later, they’d realize they should have supported you from the start… dont lose hope.. and do what u love…
this life is your world,,,! dont
you make trouble your life,, if you do it you will sad because them to be broken,,,!!!
You want to know about me? Pain is nature way of telling me that something is wrong in my body.An anxiety state is nature’s way of telling me that something is psychologically wrong. My anxiety is equivalent to an alarm, warning me that my safety mechanisms are not working susccesfully.My heart beats rapidly for no apparent reason,quietly heard my own heartbeat. I have a physical sensation of choking, something is closing off my throat and not able to breathe.When I answered my HONEYPETFRIEND one night conversation with agitated feelings.My palms or soles of my feets feel cold but moist with a lil’ perspiration.Why? Because I secretly in love him so much…….How to conquer my anxiety when I’m infront of Him? Hehehehe im so inspired while reading your storyblog. Bahala gud ka…..understood? love you na talaga.