Bra1n-w@shed

last sunday i went to a CD store with ucha at Plaza Senayan. I want that CD so much from years. It was Enigma Trilogy, one package album contain 3 CDs from 3 of the early albums. it was damn expensive rather than i bought 3 seperate albums. but somehow i feel good. a flow of endorphine rushed between tiny lines in my head, giving me such feeling i never felt before. almost orgasm. hehe.
anyway, i was being promoted, a position i never thought, actually my friend’s was the one who’s looking for this position. even though people pass on good wishes, but actually i’m scared deep inside. as if there’s a big rock of responsiblity suddenly bump on my shoulders. it was the largest group account in my office (i work in a network marketing company). oh well, i leave it to God. my major weakness is my minim ability to memorize things. i can’t even remember what my friend’s just told me 10 minutes ago. there’s a saying: there’s no teacher who could teach anything new. they can just help us to remember things we always knew. and i stick by that. hahaha…
i’m listening to The Dream Of The Dolphin, a song Carl created for his beloved wife. nice.
and start thinking about what happened today. there’s this man (i dunno if he is under my management group) he asked for an exception for a purchase passed one day from the 90 days exchange rule. i said no. but he kept pushing and begging. i stood on my ground and reject him in the face. he asked me who gives me order, i said Anggit, warehouse manager. If you want an exception go to somebody who could give u, but not from me, i said. then he left to Anggit and he got it minutes later. then, i found out that this particular man was a very good friend of Anggit. a high school buddy. i didn’t like that. i mean, friend ok, but business is business. it’s not fair for other people. Anggit always told me to reject anyone who request such thing if its not the SOP. but look what he did. whatever. sometimes rules are not meant to be broken, but we just can’t help ourselves aren’t we. and damnit!!!! my PC are being attacked by some sort of spam virus. it won’t go even though i try to clean it with Norton & Mcafee updates. shit, must format. later. busy. it’s the end month and we are always busy, i am always busy. but i love it. the more stressed i get, the more pleasure sipped in. hehehehe….well, i guess this is the time where i’m crazy about my career. and my best gurl in the office, Dyan is leaving for Perth. her husband got transferred there. damn. gonna missed her so much with her squeaky voice, twirlling her hair and her pretty smiles. i gave her a photo CD with music from all of our journey working together. i put Madonna - What It Feels Like For a Girl as her soundtrack. kinda fits her criteria. i prays a lot these days becoz i don’t think i could handle all those accounts myself. hmmph..interesting though. i love challenge actually. makes me know what is my limitation and weaknesses. oh well, it’s getting late and gotta a big Friday heading for tomorrow. ciao!
-in every color there’s a light, in every stone sleeps a crystal-

i was crossing the street. and between two way traffic, i feel the cool wind on

my face and skin. sweet day, i thought. He made another day just for me.
that day is ended since saturday night i stay over at one of myfriend’s crib. he

didn’t came to work and i wondered. becoz no news or sms, and that was his 3rd

day working in the same office as mine. he said he was sick, but i know him so

well, i smell a twisted truth there.

so i pay him a visit that night and he is really sick, but not that sick he couldn’t go to work and leave no message to anyone.

anyway, from his house the following day i left to make a mututal visit for my

new relationship. it was sunday morning and easy as it could be. we taklked,

laugh and i was an open book today i thought. i like when i receive positive vibe

from my talking partner, especially one who could really open my third eye.

adding a wider horizon into my viewing point. i knew this relationship is gonna

be my last and the most precious one.

ya know, when u met someone totally new, a stranger, but it’s like u know them

from somewhere. a barcode of my heart, a key for my rusted icy gate. it’s been

a week, but felt like years, every second counted for every conversation are

really precious.

i have learned that changes not always a rare thing to be. our principal is not a

static arrow that we always could lead into a particular target. it changed as

we met new people. a better target for a better process and reflected in the

result itself. i also learn not everything is good to be in a wide open space.

sometimes a hidden stone is the most valuable ones.

I was like deep in a cool
Won’t gone be nobody’s fool
Could not care less who was there
Could’ve been like anywhere
I was chillin’ with my Kool-Aid
Did not want to par-ti-ci-pate in no silly conversations
Had no time for new relation-ships.
I must admit to you, when I heard the lines you threw
Although it usually turns me off, but this time you have turned me on
Lights off, lights on.

I guess the groove is on and I am
Diggin’ the scene, diggin’ on you, diggin’ on me
Baby bay-ooo-baby baby
It’s on like that, it’s on like that
I gotta be in love or somethin’ like that.

TLC

i’m listening to Norah Jones - The Nearness Of You right now in my cold quiet

bedroom.
today was a busy day at work as ussual. i looked up in the dark sky, the moon.

well, half actually, which makes it more beautiful than it really are. anthony,

my colleague are having his leave for a week. so, his group account was handed

over to me. not to include people’s from ninik’s account as she is having her 3

month maternity leave. work is like hell, i love it.
some people from my past sent me their greetings and hugs through my mobile.

people i didn’t expect to message me, but they really did. merry, my friend who

sat across from my work desk are grouchy the whole day. well, she already

being an ass since a week ago (i dunno, maybe she’s having her PMS as she told

me). but nevermind, i love my days now. trying to love it. i only got two options

in my life. start it with thinking it’s gonna be pain in my back or imagine and

making it sunshine in my head. i choose cloudy sky as i always love…hahaha. i

feel it as a balance for me. i can’t stand in the light for a long amount of time.

or sit in the dark when i got no people who really understands me. a grey area

is something human won’t choose but becomes my object of realization and

concern. i don’t have super powers or too weak to be bullied around. i’m just an

option of what i’ve choose. people get busy with everyday’s matter which

makes them more complicated than they really are. how they connect with each

others as a supreme being still amazed me in somewhat way. but what i do

understand now is they change. we change. 
like my late conversation with my friend after work hour, eating fried rice. she

told me that her friend told her she is not what she used to be. she had change.

i said to her, you’re not change. just become more mature and stabil. well,

before she was this particular girl who pro actively jump in a matter in our

office. she said what she want and when she want it exactly the way she wanted.

but now, she become more quiet, even though she had no problem at all. well i

see it as a time for her from a gold cocoon turn to be a silver butterfly. it’s

not bad. it’s just changes.
it did happen to me. in my present relationship, there are things that used to be

now it become something else. i never put a label good or bad in what i do. it’s a

thing i cannot see, just feel. here’s something that pop out of my head:

Temple of Woods

Doom to me while I’m chanting these words
Hell to those rises up the energy under some circumstances
A blood-red knight came to me with his bloody sword
He said, “I have kill the moon and the star’s fantasies.”
My eyelids were cut so I never fell asleep again
They are sinfully accused for what the world have done wrong
I saw the Lord with his throat choked up as the snake explain
The glass winded stain leaves here for an eternity long
Reduce the fear will only bring sadness came to your temple of flesh
Like the man who received so many different slashes
In your eyes time is empty, so black birds flies toward for feeling of thrash
I slide down the alley that’s belonged to big white fences
A child is reborn to bring faith once more ruled over the mind empire
Stage of willingness tendering every angel’s compassionate soul
You who came in the name of pain controls me the entire
I was raised upon a slummy habitat so I eat every piece of my mole
Doesn’t have to understand what hell is or what is for
Just try to feel it from now since fate is dragging us through that door
I played upon my ancestors graveyards and smiled
There was the place of arrogant playing hard with another sense of mild
I sing and I flattered after you said all these words to me
What will happen or what it will be in our next journey of decaying
I build it with every wood in the forests in the world and place to be
Just sit upon the sun and I suggest you better start your praying
Because I’m building us a temple of wood where gods are dying