he came towards me. behind the trees, i could see him from the path i make along the dark street lights. i was going home from work. 10.30pm it was exactly. i feel the shiver i always get when i feel something’s wrong. i talk with myself try to calm the me that start losing its logic way of thinking. here he comes, moving up slowly. undernourished ego sliding between the river of my words up inside. he just kept following me since the crossing bridge i always passed every night. as i listen my mp3, i know his presence were there but i just couldn’t see his physical form. as if my shadows were my friend, another part of me talking with me again. i feel secure for a moment there. my fingers makes tapping noise as i try to find something i could do in that dim night. weird and bizzare. a feeling i never felt but it’s good i’m telling you. my eyes so heavy and sleepy even i’m still walking and fighting my fading conciousness. i feel evil. evil to myself and untouchable for those sorround me. i lost myself in a world between that exact minutes. he told me everything i wanted to know all along. a secret that only me should know. i can feel his claw above my left shoulder, whispering to my ear in the hot air right into my ear drum. i smile for a moment. he’s still walking me home, lurking every corner of my sight, i cannot escape. he told me work is endless, a fantasy journey to self development. money isn’t the answer, it’s easy game everyone could play with. but this one is something really big. blending my soul and logic into a comparison with another being. a man holding his ciggarette looking at me. what he saw was a single man, not together. but he also feel his presence, through the cold and heavy atmosphere. he’s flying over to my other shoulder, still smilling with his devilish eyes. his mouth are shut tight, but his words is so strong in my ear. stabbed right into my chest. my fingers are trembling, i never been so scared yet so powerfull as the moment i was enjoying. as if my skilled multiplied, i smiled to him but only my eyes were moving. and told me again, how do i get out of here. out of this numb life path, i know i’m running in circles. this week i see so many people, old, young, lust, love, smart, dumb, rich, poor, they are just the same as others. humans. he told me i’m worthy only to myself. he show me his teeth this time. but his cold fingers strike me on the back of my neck, tenderly, so soft and wise. he never touch the ground we walk upon. i’m almost home. he looked at me straight in my eye, he told me something: "i’ll be right back. i always will." and he’s gone.
Archive for August, 2006
Erotic Ego
Show Me Forgiveness
forgiveness is what every human cannot cope with. limited with hatred, anger or sadness. hidding behind the walls of pride and ego. for me, i can’t seperate myself with the line of stupidity. when people get hurt or double crossed by someone else, they should’ve learn right? forgiven not forgotten is what people always say. is an option when you see it from your side. i couldn’t do that, not tonite. i listen to the sweet night calmness God has given me in this blessed Sunday. open the box full of our pictures we took, presents we trade and words we wrote stating our emotional values. i cannot feel them anymore. not to you. the fact is i’m listening to Andien - Detik Tak Bertepi right now in my room, the words is quite awakening. what is feeling? i have developed myself with so much pain i’m going through from various relationship i had over the years. 
sometimes i forgot what’s the purpose of my journey. you are the last piece of hope i have in the bright sunshine. but what you did was really a wake up call. that we are not in a dream world. where love meets emotion and everything is paradise. no. life is facts and multiple choices. those choices aren’t easy and simple.i learn something from my last relationship. i’m not a psychotic seeking for revenge, i don’t keep hate, i’m sad but back in action again, i’m happy in my state of numbness. reason after reason and friends along the way give me so many answers, encouregement and spirit to move on. one by one my leaves fall, one by one my tales are told. what i need is a real goodbye. i hope you’re happy with you’re life. I release all these disappointment From my mental physical spiritual and emotional body Cause I know that spirit guides me And love lives inside me That’s why I today I take life as it comes…
The Devil Wear Halo Too
It’s like you finally found your god, but he just walk away from you.
after one solid month, everything ruined because of one single sms i found in the "sent items" in your mobile phone
folder. the same line, the same i love you’s, but this one for somebody
else. i don’t ask how? but why.
why did u risk our love, my love, for someone’s not worthed???
Je suis désolé - Lo siento - Ik ben droevig - het spijt me - Sono
spiacente - Perdóname - i am sorry….they’re all the same. suddenly all
repeating inside my head.
how would u feel when u finally found that love in ur
2nd chance and u get tricked twice!!! WHAT A STUPID DUDE I AM!!!!
last nite was wonderful as it could be. those sweet words you said
to me was all bullshit afterall. but how dare u swear in the name of
Christ u never play me and deceive me but lok what u did! i stop seeing
someone else, i stop my old habbit u doesn’t like, i adjust my life for
you, but what i get in return? nothing but pain.
so much for the sweet words and affection in ur phone calls. i shouldn’t
believe if it’s bitter at the start then it’s sweeter in the end. no,
it’s GETTING BITTER in the end.
I’m packing my stuff from our place and move back with my folks. that’s
it. i’m not angry or sad. i’m too numb for this kind of situation. my
heart still adjust for the misery i’ve been trough before. but the wound
bleed again in ur hand.
i’m just too in love with you to hate you.
all i need is mind erasing program, like jhony mnemonic had. i just want to
restart myself. to the time where there was before you.
We have things between us
So many walls, a crash of silence
And these ropes, once they were untied
Would be worth
The pieces of a broken love
If I could
I would turn back time
To become again
The one who has wings
Right before you…Juste avant toi.
Recent Comments