in every living things they depend to others. as we’re in that circle too. i learn to trust again and it’s hard. i have this love that kept pouring from inside and i don’t have any more bowls to hold it in. but somehow my anti-feeling just began to force with the soft part of myself. i cannot resist the feeling of care to somebody else. somebody that just walk into my door mat and stand infront of my heart door.
he makes my world grew another sunshine. a war with the winter that has been settling inside of me all along. how can we heal from that pain after all those time? tell me if any of you have the answers. i got nowhere to go beside me and what i believes in. and this whole situation just put me to a place i never been before.
i want to feel love again but i’m still trying. and trying is hard enough, now i have to believe. my lackness of emotion just put me where i don’t want to be. my mouth are wide open but none of them words are coming out to explain. if only he can read my mind, my heart beat in a race i can never stop. have you ever been to a place where dreams are real and real are dreaming? which way are you looking now? from inside the mirror or beyond border of the through looking glass?
is it my fate i never feel peace again. many questions have pop out of my stupid little head. people telling me what to do, when and where. do they know that my heart are already bleeding and nothing could stop the gushing but slowing it down. yes, we can only slowing it down.
i’m walking beneath the half moonlight from my escaping world of work. i see the shadows of my footpath and no one else. how can i accept this tender that begun seeping in and caresing me inside out? i have lost something we could never found. me and myself are discussing it right now. how crazy are we that we could be in a stage of a new relationship. i choose to open this door of mine to another adventure that i doesn’t even know where i’m taking myself.
i’m still stuck with ade, she’s having this relationship with someone i can’t even trust with. he seemed nice and normal but over reacted. dude, i’m NOT trying to take your queen away from your kingdom. i just want her to be happy. don’t spoil the milk like i did coz she’s one box you’d never find elsewhere. i know what it feels like to be in love, i am now. but i’m just learning to trust again.
i always think humans are the main issues of this unstable life’s story. episodes of wrecked yet beautiful in their own time. i really love him and never want to repeat the same scene of loosing as i have experienced in my past. i learn to forgive i learn to let go. i learn denial, fear, bargaining, and finally accepting. i just want me and myself -us- to be happy. as what every breathing creatures want. either in darkness or in the light.
we’re racing with the time here. where the focus of that goal is an answer we already knew from the begining. infact, we are the teacher of our own culture aren’t we? i miss my time of peace, like right now i’m writting this non-sense. when my fingers stroking the keyboard is a melody and ryhtm of tonight. stories kept on moving and i can’t even remember. it’s there in my head and i always feels it but i cannot keep it.
paul are remain the same crazy dude i always know. smoking dozens of marlboro while he’s doing his film projects. roni are accross the sea with his chick thinking what are they’re going to do for their upcoming near future. dyan and her little princess is at perth, struggling for a place to call home. sintya still banging her head thinking how to get a guy and happily ever after. riga is having family problems with my aunties about family wealth stuff, don’t give a fuck. tika is getting ready for her next album after a huge hits with her frozen love songs. ucha maybe sleeping with his mouth open rite now in his warm bed getting ready to work again tomorrow. while lisa is madly in love with his ricky, the sailorman, haha. modja just finish her graduation test few days ago. beben’s birthday are two days ago exactly, he didn’t reply to my happy birthday message. wilmar younger sister is getting ready to leave her family for her college in sumatra. susan and kany, my bosses are in singapore rite now having training from co’s regional president. botaq’s are calling me these few days asking whether he could come this saturday, and i haven’t give my answer yet. merry is having her hard time adjusting her new work station, but i think she’s accepting it quite well. and debby’s grandmother just going over an operation, dunno what, just wishing her well. didi are looking a bit gloomy these few days, well..these few months. vicka are requesting ACIL for a monday discount at the movies.
and me……? i’m just learning to trust again.
and you call that selfish??
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