It’s hellavah week. I encounter a totally different phase of
life in one same timeline. Life and death; starting and ending; birth & dying, well in
this case: welcome and goodbye.
I met someone from a lucid memory in my childhood. She’s a friend from my old neighborhood, 1st grade actually. we play, we fooling around
and suddenly she just left to Merauke for an unknown reason. And last week on a normal
working time, a busy afternoon where i’m about to die in my work files my phone rang. i know
it’s ringing but i didn’t pick it up coz its got no contact name. twice, and three time its
still ringing, i know i was captivating my computer to my hand but something told me i
should pick this one up.
"Hello" was a normal ambience coming from my
starting conversation on the phone. she start introducing herself, her name was Indi. and i wasn’t
aware who she was until she mentioned our old living place and everything stopped. after
13 years my clock began to turning back itself, a flashing points of my childhood
memories. a child where i see so happy and free, so beautiful it was until i kept it as a
dream. seeing myself today and all my stupid life problems, i remember her in our past memories
as children.
we met that night and had a beautiful dinner. she was so
happy, i was so happy. we talk like there was no more forever. she’s been looking for me from 6
years ago and how she struggle until she found my cell phone number. i appreciate
of what her did, for someone who is no one in this big old space of universe. we held
hand as we go out from Colors, a bar where i used to enjoy my moment of Jazz after work. a
nice pasta menu and some cool jazz band accompany us that night. she actually kissed me
when she asked am i in a relationship. i didn’t answer as i don’t want to hurt her
golden feelings of what she expected from me.
she kept calling me after our meeting, day after day, hours
after hours. i tried best not to pick up her calls or replying her message. i don’t want to
give her so much hope and let her
hand go from a cliff of desperation. after so many years,
i’m a change man, and i know the same changes throughout her life too. please don’t make me
hurt you gurl, let the past becomes a secret of your future. i cannot pretend i love
you, it’s just as throwing dust in your eyes and dance all the way.
well, a week later my aunt died. she’s not my aunt really
but someone who raised me from a baby and really close to our family, practically she is my
aunt. she died of asthma. i know that sad news from my mom the next morning. her nephew called me the night before but i was so busy doing my work i didn’t pick up her call. damn
it!! if i knew how important that call i would pick that call rite away. she spent 3 days in
hospital and i wasn’t there.
that morning i didn’t go to work. i go straight to her
funeral even though it’s quite far from where i’m living. i don’t care, at least i’m there
before the earth swallow her inside. i notice all around me. i’m not so close with the family and
i saw so many old faces. i still remember how we was back in those years. as if my mind just
stop recognizing people from the moment i left them. and now so many lines drawn in their
faces, so many sad and downcast eyes all around me. how many years has passed in my
life.
how people would jump right infront of me after so many years. and how someone who really loves me and care for me just left without any goodbye. what we hold now dear is just something belongs to the past from the start. eventually we would leave them in the starting line and taking a glance of ourselves on the finish lines.
think about the future, its still traveling
too much confidence on what you have
they aint are dear to feel this safe
overload your destiny & you’ll wake up behind it
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