Bra1n-w@shed

The last day of my holiday…

How time passes by like water
from the edge of your eyes into your half-open mouth. Salty like sea-water. The
time on the wall shows 11 on one of its arm, I know I gotta wake up. i missed
working from the 1^st day of Ied’s holiday. I dunno what I should do
when all of my friends are busy with their own plan. So, mostly I spent most of
my boring days with hanging out in every coffee house in the city. And I make a
sweet mistake.

I shouldn’t go with him, with the
person that was supposed to enter my best friend’s love life. It wasn’t over
between the two of them –as far as I see- a business without a reconcilement. But
things just got a bit outta hand lately. I talk to this particular person that
this isn’t a right thing to do, that I was his biggest mistake, how I cannot
betray my friend as what am doing is stabbed him right on the heart. Broken to
pieces.

I learned something more from
myself after all the things I’ve been through. That I am one kind of person
that cannot commit of what I start with. How I tend to hurt the person I love
because of what I experienced. Like Kelly Clarkson’s – Because Of You song
thingy. How trust becomes a vague, a subject to my morale behavior toward a
relationship of my future to be. Where is the line in me? I constantly and
always will be an object of my own infatuation junkie.

Yesterday I go around

Jakarta

’s music store,
from Aquarius in Blok-M, Plaza Senayan, Sarinah and finally Duta Suara Sabang. I’m
looking for Bjork CD and some other CD. I found nothing but Bjork’s Medulla CD import,
her DVD unplugged & Josh Stone. I listen to Medulla and it really a struck
in my head as the lyrics really define me in this moment. One of her song
titled Desired Constellation, one of the paragraphs says:

With a palm full of stars

I throw them like dice (repeatedly)

On the table (repeatedly)

I shake them like dice

And throw them on the table

Repeatedly

Until the desired constellation appears

How am I going to make it right?

How am I going to make it right?

The words “how am I going to make
it right” just kept on repeating itself in my head.  How I have a tendency to see things beautiful
as it can be when I hardly tries to make it my own way. How can a heart be so
sweet even though it knows that it’s doing a wrong thing? How am I going to
make it right?

He’s going back to

Surabaya

today and I he
asked me to accompanied him to the airport. I’m happy and I’m trying not to
think upon of anything else. Such as if my best friend ever found out about
this….I can’t even imagine it. I love him and also my friend more than
anything. The triumph of a heart that gives all…!