When people says: “friends are forever” or “friends never say goodbye”. Well guess what, they lied. How come a trust we build upon nothing, those memories that were once a reality now just a vivid image of the past. We thought we knew each other but the fact we never know the person behind the open door. Yuska has died in my mind.
It’s been a week, yes, perfectly seven days since we start to lose our communication. A magnificent 6 years of time where laugh were once a regular thing. Sadness we spent together in times where it was hard for each of us. We share it so glamorously through time and spaces. How can he throw it like dirt, no, not like dirt. Like air through an empty hole.
He is covered with jealousy and rage, blinded by the facts what he saw and hear, read and feel. Can’t see the real me inside, since I thought he known me for who I am. But he didn’t. I love him for who he was, but he just kept throwing dust in my eyes. Why? A question where the answer is just silence and unanswered prayers.
He return all the stuff we bought together. Once night in my working day, Monday exactly November 30th, I found my paintings that I gave to him on his birthday, the laughing pig on 2001, our pictures as the witness of time, pins, books, CDs, and one letter he left for me in that package: “…..I’m deleting you from my mind. Good luck in life.” That night I didn’t cry, just emptiness. An emptiness I once felt before I met him, before I have the love of my life.
I never know my parents since I was a kid. I lived with some family I never close with anyone at all, basic point is I live in my small dark cold world and I love it. Then Yuska and Lisa appeared as ray of sunshine in my small lonely world. I spent most of my times with them. Since that day Lord has offered me a new life, a promise He would never leave me alone, again. In their reflections, I see God, I see God in my very own eyes.
But this day has come, where Yuska left me for a reason that in my logic is very selfish and ridiculous. But I couldn’t hate him no matter what. There’s no pain I couldn’t take for him, because all my emotion is dead from this day. I try to move on, he try to move on. I’m hurt so bad, it began to feel so good. Juste avant toi.
While you are away
My heart comes undone
Slowly unravels
In a ball of yarn
The devil collects it
With a grin
Our love
In a ball of yarn
He’ll never return it
So when you come back
We’ll have to make new love
He’ll never return it
Bjork - Unravel
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