i enjoy my moments of loneliness.
it’s been a month since i didn’t really talk or hang out with anyone. no more
"best friend" or "soul mate" in my life chapter. a vivid
imagination of what my Creator left me is everything but trust. simplified by
my early mature age, pushed by each painful episode in my life. i understand
everything that every time i met each new person, process of getting to know
with each other and choose will that person be our future or move on and find
the right one along the way.
many of you taught me to put my
trust to God, i dunno which God do u refer me to, either that Jesus, Mohammad
or the great Buddha. my relation with my Creator are indestructible, no matter
how i ran from it, or hate it with all my heart. it’s still a part of who i am.
like the teaching of Jesus, to sacrifice our life for the greater good of
others. or how Siddharta Gautama sat under a Bodhi tree and think that he want
to end all of human suffering. i am truly thankful for all the time u spent
writing to me and try to make me feel a little happier.
but it’s not up to you. i learn
my lesson, maybe I’m not the brightest apple on the tree, but this is
enlightenment. it doesn’t scare me at all, what people think about me or hate
me for who i am. i can say no to hope, i can say no to happiness. it doesn’t
frightened me at all. i can make people jump off roof, going crazy in a middle
of nowhere and dance like a madman.
this time around it’s like i
almost seen it all. from the great wall of China to the top of Eiffel tower.
from the sweet sunrise of Borobudur temple to
the mysterious life below the Atlantic sea. i choose to be this way and it
makes me happy in a level of my convenience. i don’t go to parties too often, i
work more longer hours than before and put my focus in getting that art
scholarship to Europe.
i consider myself a loner now. another process i must go
through. and when i know the meaning of it (or maybe it’s just another
coincidence) i move on to another chapter of life. until i find my seventh Chakra,
where life is just a pure solid mind.
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