Archive for January, 2007

18
Jan

Trading Veins for Ordinary Life

I’m sitting the whole day at Oh lala cafe Sarinah. It’s my last
day off from work since yesterday and three days before. my boss seems doesn’t
like the idea of me working all the time, even though i was
so damn confuse what shall i
do in my holidays.

So i grabbed my laptop and visit a WiFi enabled cafe in
Jakarta. Yesterday i sat in Cup ‘n Cino the
whole evening until my friend asked me to accompany her to Plaza Senayan to see
Zara’s 70% off.

 

Semarangnl01

I love working actually; some people say I’m over worked that’s
why I don’t have any bf. Maybe they’re right, but small portion of course as i
always defend myself as a Libra :P
so, here i am checking my zillions of emails in my web-inbox from clients, co-workers,
inquiries, tasks and other problems. And also doing the goal setting for my
executives as what my boss’ request; not to mention that other account managers
already doing it. Hey, this Glenn Fredly – Tega is not bad at all…in fact, I
played this song over and over again.

It’s quite hot actually, even though it’s raining hours ago. Me
just wearing black t-shirt (as always) and ordinary jeans. i ordered plain OJ
and ice cream to make my mouth busy. Too sweet i thought, just the way i like
it… hehe. I sat on the corner, the red sofa on the outside.
At least my butt won’t get
hurt sitting for the next few hours
, as I talked to myself. It was quite crowded; thank God i got
myself a chair. Many people with their friends, affairs, sex costumers (yea, its
sooo obvious) and some just business partners.

i enjoy watching their faces, how they gesture to each others,
the way they dress up in the name of social-be-known. What’s on their heads are
those little tiny sprinkles in my daily bread,
no one knows what’s on their little noggin’ eh? i think to myself, is this the
day that "the one" stopping at my little window-pane? Cute looks,
smart outfit, heavenly bodies and branded bags going in and out this cafe door.
Simple look people also having their luck, with ordinary t-shirt, some with odd
sentences, with white sneakers they just making the scenes, my scenes.

 Semarangnl02

Maybe I’m selfish, having this 4 seated all by myself. or
they’re just being stupid and never ask whether they wanna join or just
pull my other chair’s out.
Whatever i said. It’s getting dark and my wooden watch showing 10.30pm, Mmph.. just
waiting until pre-paid CBN WiFi credit expires. Some smiles and nod at me, I
have no idea what’s that supposed to mean. Humans are just puzzled me, always.

But as i take myself "out of the shell" i realize
that life’s doesn’t care whether you’re down and in pain, it still spinning and
give a hell-to-you-man look. So, why should we care about the world?
Being ourselves is the most
precious thing we have right now.
Why should we cover hey-this-is-me inside and play ordinary human
out there? Even God couldn’t change us into something we don’t want to be or
do. He can only show us the door and it is us who must walk through it.

 Semarangnl03

be sad, be hurtful, be happy, be narcissus, be materialistic, be
cold and cynical, be helpful, being the joke of everyone, be angry all the
time, be wise, be cheerful, be sexually attractive, be a bitch, be a holy man
more than the Pope
,
be naive, be childish, be workaholic, be alcoholic, be
freakin’ rich, be poor, be a thief, be a serial killer, be a single killer, be
psychotic, be political, be smart, being dumb, being odd, or just geek or
geeky geek,
it’s
your choice.

Life
your life to the fullest.

14
Jan

Silver Wings, Golden Feathers

I just got back from business
trip to
Medan, myself and 2 other work mates
held an expo in Hotel Novotel Medan –
North Sumatra.
It was a one day thingy, flew there in the morning and back again in the
evening. Quite exhausting but I’m quite refreshed with at least changing
environment beside my usual working place. We had a turbulence a few times and I
wasn’t worry, but Nia (one of my friend) she’s pregnant and so freaking afraid,
she was crying when it was happened. All the newspaper in the plane headlines
was exposing about Adam Air accident (like yea, that’s so helping her with her
trauma).

 

Anyhoo, from the airport I go to
my friend’s place to spend a night there like I promised him a few days before.
He lived with his boyfriend, a perfect couple for almost 10 years. His house
was something! not so big but comfy and it feels like home. He stylishly arranges his interior to
match and makes the room much bigger, love it there. He invites a friend of his
to join us and we talked for hours until it was almost 3am. I was so tired and
sleepy but I just can’t get enough hearing all of their stories. They are much
older than me, but somehow we have something in common especially talking about
music. He got so many great books (even though I don’t spend that much time
reading), DVDs, magz also photos from his friends and life journey.

 Hands_1

I met him not long ago, starting
off from a simple message via internet and suddenly we talked like we know each other long before we met. He’s very wise and open, I adore how his mind process things and
makes a perfect integration when it comes out as sentences. I like to get
advises from people, I appreciate life’s in balancing how my mind actually
works. I remembered Baz in one of his lyrics:
“Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply
it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past
from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it
for more than it’s worth.”

 

I start to take a look at myself.
I’m forcing myself to be happy with working over-time,
but I didn’t get what I
want. What I need is someone I could share my life with. That person doesn’t
have to be understanding with all the bullshit follow after, what I need is just trust and endless
communication. When we have those, I’m sure the understanding between us will
pour down like honey from a rock. Many of my friends, either they’re
heterosexual or gay; they push themselves too hard to find a partner. Love
doesn’t mean to be hunted; it will find you when you’re time is right.

 

Sure we get hurt in many of our
life’s journey; it changed us into a different character as before. But it
never changes what we actually need. A simple metamorphosis of time only
brought a new additional value in every living mind on earth. “When you think you had enough of this life,
just hang on. …everybody hurts sometime.”
It was beautifully written by
REM. I think its time for me to go out sometime, after so many months I missed
parties, social gathering, and i should start being in the game, enough with the observer. My best friend
left me, it’s really leaves a mark on me. It just how life’s giving me sign to
be more careful with who I’m hanging out with.

 

I have to travel the world,
experience different emotions in many lands. Seeking adventures and enjoyment
in cities all across the nation, that’s what I’ll do. I don’t change who I am, just
open my small little window to the world out there. Who knows my luck will fly
by at my window pane. I listen to Heaven Knows (No Frontiers) by The
Corrs version, and it really gives me new hopes in this year.


I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you

-Björk-

02
Jan

Reality Has Its Own Middle Finger

Full_moonIts full moon now, I can see its
written a whole of my life story there. I see the dark night in my 2nd
day in New Year, shining with one or two stars above. The peacefulness, how
quiet I can only hear my thoughts murmurs under realities I have been through.
It bites.

 

How I hurt people when I didn’t
mean that.
Karma always followed after. How the people I loved walk away from
me, and how a trust so strong just vanished as if it never meant to be.
Beautiful tales, ugly chronicles, sorrow, pain and cold happiness jump in my
life one right after the other.

“Count your blessings instead of
sheep” that’s what people said to me. Yes, I do admire how life gave me
wondrous coincidences that always happen and I believe it was something
destined to be. The state of emergency is
where I want to be.

I’m thankful for my well paid
job, friends with their laughter and enemies with their lies that make me
realize how life is just one package of drama, reality, a bold and strong
feeling called truth. Just how people manage to make it as attractive or
hideous as they want it to be. 

But one thing for sure I’m fed up
with this episode. I need a getaway, someone that dares to take me somewhere I
could test my courage on life’s ugliest side. Like
New
York
, where individualistic is the only thing that matters, or Mississippi where family
values still on the major track.
Maybe Europe, where I can die artistically
among the true meaning of art, and perhaps
Japan, where I can taste a bit of
radical fashion & technology of the future.
 

 

Dreaming of distant imagination
brought me back to the same moonlight. It just bright and quiet, shining on my
optimism of a new year, a new life
. I know when I’m not here anymore, I’m still
looking at the same full moon…it never change.