Last Saturday was absolutely out
of what you all have in mind in term of a weekend. For some normal people, it was supposed to be day
where we hang out with friends, but me: in my own dream world. That particular
Saturday was the day I was preparing myself and the whole team for an office
event: Success Seminar. Where the Millionaires, Team Elites and all the high
class society turned up in their best dress or suit, glittering the carpet with
their so-called-pin titles. We had to prepare
the event every 6 months, times for recognition, where their friends actually
see them walk up the stage after what they accomplish from their work.
Some people up there in clouds
having fun, while we the “underdog” had to work our ass off (ironically, it was
for them). But I was putting my heart for everything that I do, even my big fat
mouth talking tras
h about it. So, long before the event and preparation we were
divided into teams and couple team leaders. I was chosen to be one, and I’m
heading for 8 people handling the front stage. Unfortunately, I was the
youngest in the office and all my team members are way ahead older than me.
Some from the IT dept, some from Finance, etc. I know some names that are,
let’s say, recognized as the “sluggish bunch”, and I was right. Not even one
team briefing they showed up, reading the instructions I gave them (I dunno
whether they’re blind as well stupid, -but God forgive me- for giving them
details) and they still doesn’t care to the event!
Until the H-day and they are
simply just out of forgiveness, they are coming late, vanished into the thin
air when I needed them, and smoking in the alley when it’s their time to do what
they supposed to be doing. Jesus!! If I were the snake, that’s how I felt when he
got kicked out from Paradise. So I had to tell
them million times for what they are supposed to do, back and forth looking for
them, and being such a pain in their asses for doing the right thing! The thing
was, I didn’t know they hated me so much and planning to take revenge.
Today is Tuesday, the brightest
day God ever made because tomorrow is pay roll day. I was just finishing my
duties I‘m pending from last week of torment. Suddenly HR dept asked me to come
to her office and she in a straight-forward manner asking me what I had done to
slow down the internet connection. I was thinking it must be the Limewire I
just installed on my PC, so I told her about that and bingo! So she said the IT
dept found out I was the one that cause this ridiculous momentum and guilty as
charge. I said I’m sorry, uninstalling the software and thinking. Thinking why
I’m the one only accused for this issue, since I know other IT people and other
dept are doing the exact thing but never got fingered. My intuition giving me
vibes into my brain cells and flash my mind back to what happen during the
Saturday event and today was their payback time.
I assume they don’t like being
bossed by a kid and telling them what to do and this is how they backstabbed
me. Hmm, I was kinda surprised they don’t have the courage to just go straight
to my face and spit it out. Backstabbing, a word that are commonly used
especially in working environments. I wasn’t angry; I don’t feel any hate or
anything except disappointment. Okay, I take the blame for installing software
that isn’t job related, but being backstabbed is simply things cowards would
do. I remember my favorite song from Lauryn Hill, “Forgive Them Father” from
the album Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. One of the lyric saying: “That everyday people, they lie to God, so
what makes you think, that they won’t lie to you too.” Yea, maybe all I
need to wipe this disappointment in my heart is by forgiving them and walk
away. I don’t want to ruin my balanced energy for unnecessary things like them.
I was thinking to chop them into pieces like Dexter would do or put them into
the shredder and feed them to depths of hell. But that would just make me as
bad as them, ain’t it?
Sometimes is just hard to find
the white-crystal-clean are in our heart for forgiveness. The dark shadow of
hate and revenge is just too beautiful to resist. I can hate people too, I’m
just made of flesh and bones too, and sometimes I could smell the sweet blood
in the air when I hate someone. But there’s another extra ingredient my Creator
gave me, that is logic and super-extra-elastic of patience to handle every bad moment
that are occurred in my life lines. Every time one human disappoint me in any
way, I just think it’s an additional layer to my emotion so I can feel what is
actually living is. Feel, understand and learn.
Ps. The internet connection slowing down today was actually a server error and not my fault (like d’uh.. a single download of 3MB can caused a global damage impact)
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