It’s been a while since you all
heard my story. My simple yet miserable story of my life hood in this big city.
A small mind collides with so many different individuals, so many soul I have
passes among all the unknown names in His green earth.
Sometimes we do need a little
hide-out, being so tired tortured with eyes and unspoken words. Just like me.
All I did within these few months are hiding in my own shell, with Rainer
protecting me in our soft flesh membrane. We live as one with two different
attitudes, thus I’m comfort in his ocean of mad-emotional statements. While the
world never welcome us to step into their land, a ground full of lies, suspicious, hates, vengeance, all in the name contemporary-humanism.
My job is killing me yet it gives
me a running engine everyday, like morphine. The more you shot into it, the
more it calling you for more. I’m really in the state of walking-dead, I’m
numbing myself from every reach. I never think of this big world full of scary
monsters (there are monsters outside – Annie says it), but what I see is
dullness. Same thing happen over and over again in so many different forms but
always for the same process.
I have so many dreams I have to
fulfill I don’t know where to start. My mind always searches for higher state
of life, when realities just bust me on my way out of the door. A temporary
infinite of wisdom attacked me every time I try to be more mature in my
actions. I always believe I will go to NYC to build my own gallery, I always
trust in myself to die old in Africa but there
are many circumstances that won’t stop until I make those come true. “The more
that I wait, the more time that I waste” I always hold on to that, hell yea.
Now all I have to do is holding
on to my small faith I have now. At least I have something to believe in. The
universe gives us hopes in ways we cannot imagine. Just like what happen to me.
When I lose all hopes and close all my doors, one warm shaft of light hit me in
my Achilles heel. With just a simple body chemical reaction I’m surrendering to
him. He’s my moonlight in the middle of my dark forest (I hate the term ray of
sunshine, since I hate any source of powerful lighting). We started off in an
unpredictable moment, in a wrong place in a wrong timing; fortunately
everything went right in the correct portion.
It’s been two months now. I’m not
changing for anyone also not for him, but we get along just fine. It’s kinda
funny to think I’m going through this again, when the last writing was about
chemistry between two different individuals who are falling in love. We’re at
the same age, but he’s much wiser than me, smart in a way, fitness-class-freak
and personal-business oriented. He passed my test, he got my attention, and now
he deserves my affection.
"i’ll go through all this
before you wake up
so i can feel happier
to be safe up here with you"
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