Archive for July 11th, 2007

11
Jul

There Lies My Passion Hidden

By bett3r 84 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

I’m attached now, as my ball of
relationship has roll again and leads me to this Great War between ego and the
immense term of “us”. I’m in love so desperately I would change their world to
match our world or destroy it and make a new one. He filled my puzzle yet he
try to solve my riddles. He shared the essence of Rainer, he taught me to love
again, feel the pain and gain the warmth of my beating heart.

Faces01_2

It has been exactly two month
since we shared our feelings and being commonly devoted to each other. It was
different from my past relationship, something unique I cannot figure it out.
The difference was in me. I have become this paranoid person, fragile, I have
freed myself from a well-built cocoon and feel the unseen truth. He made me
realize how defenseless I am to my own feelings. Probably many wounds I had not
totally gone, it is healed as I speak but the marks are still there.

Faces02

I know that is my own problems as
a grown mature person, I have to think clearly through my logic of what I have
learn all these times. We often disagree with something, the matter is not that
big actually but sometimes –again- we have our ego to won and lead us to
misunderstood complicated situation. I admit I sometimes I’m hurt of what he
said when he’s angry, but maybe he’s hurt too by unfiltered truth. Good thing
is we both respect that difference and still based the same feeling we started
this relationship with. We both realize that we cannot let our personality
being the gap of each our action and words to each other. Instead we try to be
understanding and it does works, we apologize and still remember the lesson
with not forgetting what we’ve done wrong.

Faces03_1

I love this man with all my
heart. The first steps were so hard because I cannot trust him in whatever he
does. And he doesn’t feel too comfortable with that, and so am I. It’s like an automated program, my trauma kept on
haunting me. My bad experience has led me to a person where everything is
nothing but lies. Until one day, after we argue I promise to him I would trust
him in whatever he does. And I taught myself that pain is one whole package
with love, one thing couldn’t live without the other one. My rusty door has
open once more and I must trust myself that this time he will close back the
door and stay in forever.

 

 

11
Jul

Door Number 9

By bett3r 1 Comment
Categories: Uncategorized

I see the morning hit my eyes in
a glaze full of hopes. I talk with my soul about what’s going to happen today
in my life. What adventures these humans bring me into, another trouble full of
trial I must go through and yet another process I must walk in to make
learning.

I always wonder why does all the
biological-protein-based-machines so called living people, at all times loves
to know the future. Horoscopes, test quizzes, fortune telling, online reading,
they’re all the most common we found in everyday lives. Don’t they just feel
satisfied by what they are at now? Is the Greater Power need to be peeked at? The
mysterious it becomes the more human need to know about it.Door_number_9

We live and open our eyes every
single day with the same procedure, taking the same air to the same lungs,
talking with the same voice and so on. So what do you expect that something
different will going to happen today? Destiny. Hahaha, I’m talking shit again
aren’t I? But I f you really think about it, life already have a blue print of
what will happen in every single living creatures. Even the green toads by the
pond or the baby the instant he is born. Something miraculous about it some
might say, or just an overwhelmed feeling on a mountain top.

Sometimes I give-a-hell of what
will happen in my life, sometimes I’m focus too much on my life’s draft. Either
way, I don’t like this human emotions being too seductive and take over me;
leaving me helpless of being in control for my life journey. I used to say that
I’m a “present” man, a man that only live for today as today it is. But changes
smack the egoistic person existing inside me, and I drag poor me into a
delirious future. Worst case I even looked back and think about my past. But as
I state myself clearly, that I don’t care much of what lies beneath the door
ahead.

 

“What we know now might destroy
us as if we know what will destroy us later; at least we are being aware for
that day” – Better –