Yesterday the moon was at its
most beautiful. The color was very orange almost blood-red, as big as if it’s
giving so much protection. I smile and just silently looked up at the clear
night sky, letting my mind roam free.
Time is sliding away from my hands,
when she starts counting on my days I could never remember who I am and where
I’m standing. My life was nothing but a big wide space to let people draw upon
it with their colors: black, grey, violet, red and another black. What? Yes, I
still consider them as colors, so it is in my world and me as its monarch.
Where I could jump, scream, cry, pray, orgasm between my wisdom and even afraid
of the nothingness, it is all possible in my self-cocoon-shelter.
Away from realm world and step
into so-called-reality, I hear voices calling my name. Letter by letter, soft,
tender and addictive, please welcome love. He’s so gentle I could hang on to
him forever, never feel bored or nauseous. But sometimes the love is so great
it brings me fear. The fear of losing and left behind, the fear where I don’t
have myself anymore since the moment I’m giving in to his hands.
Then start come pain, it grew
slowly, crawling inertia creeps it began to nurture myself into someone fragile
and defenseless. So confusing because that pain comes from the very same heart
at first giving me comfort! Every power within just surrendering to it, leaving
no space to breathe or think or even dance to its death rhythm.
Life knew me so well, he told
time to stop for a while so I could think. Up in the roof-top, I just sit there
alone, listening to the sound of the night, my heart beating slowly almost in a
stop mode. Quite. Peace. Nothing. From that nothing I have something to believe
in: myself. From all the weary episodes of my life, I began to see my
interlude. I see that the love that we both develop is actually crystal clear
and very see through.
We always overlooked from the
very same spot we connected, the vibe is there but we didn’t feel and listen.
That love is actually there, just like the truth everyone believes, so alive
like the air every creatures breathing. Even though we’re so different,
actually we have so many likenesses in each other. A puzzle completes another.
Truth is painful, but it always
telling us the right thing to do.
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