Bra1n-w@shed

Have you ever wished for
something and in seconds it comes true? It was one evening on my work days,
after waiting like idiots since the server crash from 3pm, I took my bag pack
and just go home. Well not home exactly; I always hit the gym as I always to,
not far from where I’m working.

That evening the gym was a full
house, with builders, gossipers, eye-shoppers and free-soda-drinkers. Various
types of bodies from well built to jingling fat, all were walking up and down
the stairways, talking, laughing or just trying to hide their erection in that
man-paradise. I just grab my towel from the counter; go to my locker to change into
shorts and pair of sneakers.

As I walking to the cardio area,
my head just play a particular song, it was Sophie Ellis Bextor – Take Me Home,
I believe it was. I just dunno why all of a sudden it roll inside my noggin’.
Unexpectedly, the speaker from my fitness center played the same song! For you
guys who thought “what’s so weird about that?” well, lemme tell you this that
coincidence doesn’t happen only once or twice! Actually it did happen couple of
times with different song I wish be heard.

Not only that time, when I was
waiting for the bus the sky was blue and not a single cloud upon it. I was pondering
if it rained, it wouldn’t be so hot with the sun’s intense lighting. And it
did. I was jaw dropped looking outside the bus window and then I looked up the
sky and saying: thank you. Well, we all gotta be grateful in everything we
experienced aren’t we?

Quite funny to think sometimes
that our lives are built from pieces of coincidences, an accidental moment we
want it to happen but sometime we thought it’ll never be. The power of our mind is actually very strong to control what happen around us, some people just
don’t know that they have it and can use it! The pity thing is it only happens
with small stuff in my life, but still I appreciate the small things. I love
details, and only details can show how perfect my life is.

Even though I could never change
something enormous in my life at least He showed me I could. The saddest thing
is, I could never change or moved someone’s heart. Men can never control
someone else’s heart and mind. Even God only can show humans the way and the
option lies within our hands. I could never change someone’s heart, even though
deep inside I’m desperately wanted to. All I can do is hoping that time will
show him the truth of how I exactly feel. All I can do is waiting and hoping.
Coz hope has a place in a lover’s heart.

Here I go again, letting go again
all of my soundless feelings. I find comfort here coz I know what I have lost,
it is myself. Ever since I’m giving in to someone I love so much I knew from
that moment I must leave my ego behind. Even though they’re leaving marks, I
always believe its worth to fighting for.

He made my cry again last night,
I can see myself in peaceful pain. With all the unspoken lies, covered in sweet
words and blinded justice. Cannot reckon how many times he leaves me with scars
that only time can heal and one small hope to hold on to. Life has revolve me
into someone with so flexible patience, very big heart in this small world full
of unbearable reality.

As a human being we all know when
got tricked once we should learn, as a logic individual we all know that once
we got hurt we must learn not to at the second time. But this time is so
different, like a cocoon the love has covered my vision and logic. Walking
crossed the line of insanity into so powerful light of be in love with. Like a
sponge, the hurt just sucked into my heart pores, leaving it back dry just like
it started.

But I realize how heavy it has
become now. He always come back in the sweetest way of saying sorry and endless
apology. When all is okay, when nothing erupt in our relationship, he always
think of something that makes it not okay. He said he felt suffering with
everything around him, I asked him whether that “everything” includes me?
Hmph…the answer is always predictable: he don’t know.

I just never understand why does
human running form their problems?? That is not the way to solve things. We can
run but we know we doesn’t have a place to hide. Solutions comes when we dare
to face what has been the center of the problems. With a clear head and a big
heart, that dilemma will end.

Only one thing I asked him to do:
be honest with himself. If he cannot be honest with himself how can he be
honest with me. I never can read his mind like one of those Heroes character,
the police guy. His Gemini is just to strong for my Libra. All I see is a
secret world kept away from me, he kept it so tight that not even one fresh air
can seep through for him to breathe.

Back to the first love we both
had in our hands. It always happen to be stronger than anything. So powerful it
can me stand tall with all his wind blowing so nasty. So devoted it can kept me
hold on my fingers full of scars. So glowing it can show us the way out of the
dark forest of relationship. I always believe in myself that this stuff is
worth to fighting for.

I wait for you until the dawn
My mind is ripped my heart is torn
And love is strong and your so sweet
Your love is bitter its taken neat

The Rolling Stones