21
Oct
07

Before There Was Me

StarfishTime has passes me by like I’m the nothing.

Again I’m brought into the situation where my mind
is forced to shout painfully against my tortured heart. It’s only the dark
night with company of soft city-light dancing above my black thick hair.
Where
the air is cool and transmitting people’s feeling with variants emotions.
Just
imagine they’re dancing, tossing, prancing around in form of tiny vibes, trying
to get in every little head on earth. The Sweet Lord has planned it so perfectly
so that we can’t see them vividly, yes, it is so perfect.

 

Every being I know and called themselves human, are so proud of this
weird intense sizzling stuff inside them. Its like touches but never felt, its
like pain but more harmful, its like love but much more sweeter, its like
universe but much more smaller. I called it: emotions.
Since the first day a
baby was born and
bought into this world, he knows what emotions are. He just
cannot say it due to unskilled biological form. After intense training in days
under the sun, with people as his lecturer, and life as his classroom, he
learns many things. And that emotions start to become very complicated, he
couldn’t take it alone.

 

Then came the test: relationship. Sometimes relationship can take you
down under, so deep you cannot go back up to take your short-period breath.

Some may feel its too gigantic for a tiny little heart, it becomes to heavy
that you must rest it down for a while. Others who’s much more lucky, felt it
was the sweetest thing ever happen to them, saying “I’m very, very happy, so
please hurt me”. Funny isn’t? How one single thing that’s supposed to be the
same has different impact for everybod
y.

 

If I’m cut into two body and two logos, I would see myself as the
lucky one. Recently I’m listening again to my favorite singer and one of his
favorite tracks: The Cripple and The Starfish. My most memorable words of the
song were: “…I’ll grow back like a starfish.” If you ever see Discovery Channel or Animal Planet, it explains how a starfish (ya know, the sea
creature)
if one of the five legs are cut out, it’ll grow back naturally.
Amazing huh? How I’m so like that God’s creation,
when my heart are sliced by
pain
and hurt, it’ll grow back like there was nothing.

 

No one can hurt me like he does; even though my heart and love always
grow back it leaves a mark that can’t be erased. Maybe I would forget how it
happens or who did it, but the same feeling always appears naturally.
So I
guess, the only thing that growing back is not just my heart, but the pain too.

However, I can’t quit my lesson now, the process hasn’t complete yet. For me to
become a whole being is a long way, I supposed. When I dare to take love into
my life, I must also take the risk with all the guts in me.

Either way,
becoming human is learning to be human after all.




110 Responses to “Before There Was Me”


  1. 1    Jenglai October 22, 2007 at 5:20 am

    nice piece..

  2. 2    dhay October 22, 2007 at 10:08 pm

    nice one…

  3. 3    ToGrAm October 22, 2007 at 11:32 pm

    great!superb!

  4. 4    intan October 23, 2007 at 12:45 am

    my sliced heart never grow back like before.. still i feel the hurt and pain from the past. it is true, life is a great classroom esp when you have to learn the lesson in a hard way.

  5. 5    PuTeRi PuTrI October 24, 2007 at 7:58 pm

    hi..

  6. 6    dyah ayu October 25, 2007 at 1:03 am

    mmm…
    apa g bisa dlm bahasa indo????
    kan aku yg anak smp ini g bisa baca??? tapi aku pgn baca… gmn dunk????

  7. 7    dyah ayu October 25, 2007 at 1:06 am

    sorry, i don’t know what do you say, because i can’t speak english???

  8. 8    marlon October 25, 2007 at 3:18 am

    Thanks for sharing your agony. I give it these guidelines why God allows us to experience suffering in our life to you which I read when I was in turmoil. My friend gave it to me. Please read it.

    1. Suffering comes with the freedom to choose.
    2. Pain can warn us of danger.
    3. Suffering reveals what is in our hearts.
    4. Suffering takes us to the edge of eternity.
    5. Pain loosens our grip on this life.
    6. Suffering gives opportunity to trust God.
    7. God suffers with us in our suffering.
    8. In times of crisis, we find one another.
    10. God can turn suffering around for our good.

  9. 9    aisyah October 25, 2007 at 4:17 am

    erloww bro…
    so horrible n adorable!!!!!!!be as u are..

  10. 10    jay-r October 25, 2007 at 8:47 pm

    ,,,he’s so cute…..

  11. 11    adlin October 26, 2007 at 6:02 am

    great,, slight highly opinionated.. good

  12. 12    Zahrani October 26, 2007 at 6:33 am

    i like it it’s so good…
    excEllent…!

  13. 13    Anthony October 26, 2007 at 6:54 am

    Cool dude!

  14. 14    bum October 26, 2007 at 7:08 am

    greatest blog ever!!

  15. 15    madfaheart October 26, 2007 at 1:09 pm

    its really nice. it touches me. in fact, as i read it i didnt noticed each line that i read makes me turning back into the moment of being in the same situation as what lines you have written in there.so nice. and indeed, yuo’re right in a factual mood.all the best!

  16. 16    - MeLv'Z- October 27, 2007 at 1:14 am

    nice thoughts. way to go!

  17. 17    killer October 27, 2007 at 2:35 am

    just think about yourself……dont be naughty boy…hehe

  18. 18    pLinsEzAh October 27, 2007 at 4:08 am

    hi
    i rily wat uve had worte poh..
    kakatouch
    hehehe affected akoh..

  19. 19    Ram October 27, 2007 at 11:35 pm

    cum’on! is this really something like new?!

  20. 20    -b-a-r-b-i-e- October 28, 2007 at 2:54 am

    yeah nothing’s new…
    if someone like me got hurt into a relationship..ill finalized if i had a mistakes and learn from it..if not then ill take the fact..

  21. 21    maverick October 28, 2007 at 4:45 am

    bastos

  22. 22    simplyMJ October 28, 2007 at 9:32 am

    wow, amazing dude. You have a way of turning pain into witty, carefree expressions. I enjoyed reading ur blog. great Job!

  23. 23    DISAYpol October 28, 2007 at 9:43 pm

    we can only be starfishes if and only if, God would be the one to restore our broken hearts. really, we don’t have the capacity to be starfishes if we’re apart from God. we may try everything to heal our own hearts and make it grow back into its former but still, if we lack God, emptiness and discontent would just rule over us. believe me, i experienced pain for almost my whole life, and God was the one who restored everything that was lost. :)

  24. 24    catherine October 29, 2007 at 12:08 am

    two thumbs up!

  25. 25    riea October 29, 2007 at 2:11 am

    ganda po.

  26. 26    John Christian October 29, 2007 at 2:17 am

    i admire you for this one…

  27. 27    joy October 29, 2007 at 2:46 am

    awesome…”to err is human to forgive is divine”…we will learned from the past..

  28. 28    divine October 29, 2007 at 7:02 am

    hmm… im very much hapi,, at last, medyo ok n ako, lalo n s problem q,, pls,,, any body can help me…?? its a matter of breaking a heart of a man,,, pano ko ba iiwasan ang isang taong di sya masasaktan??

    thanks!! add mhe here… grace_vine26@yahoo.com

  29. 29    John TuckeR October 29, 2007 at 8:59 am

    uhm,i say nothing…
    so many overwhelmed compliment marking this nice blog… ;)

  30. 30    aBbHiE October 29, 2007 at 7:18 pm

    nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. 31    eNiLegNa October 29, 2007 at 8:35 pm

    evry blog about LOve and emotions itself is a masterpiece indeed. Coming with a thoughts of question but not actually questioning why is what makes it so brilliant.

    nice BLOG.

    btw, i was so please that i found someone who finds it so amazing how starfish heals themselves. U just didn’t know but once in my life I wish i had the same nature starfish does.. being able to gain what u just loss but I rather say now i prefer the way worms does.. after they suffered so much pain ( being cut into two) they still have the power to move like humans! You can never gain back what you lost already but you can start from where it ended.

    “keep moving”

  32. 32    rhoselhine un2 October 30, 2007 at 4:00 am

    hi

  33. 33    astradioda October 30, 2007 at 2:27 pm

    wuzz..up..bru???

  34. 34    Ernie October 30, 2007 at 2:47 pm

    nice ass hahhaha ur too damn sexy men

  35. 35    PoSt haRdcOre October 30, 2007 at 6:47 pm

    nYc!

  36. 36    Ahryle October 31, 2007 at 12:18 am

    hi!!!! nice to see ur blog

  37. 37    Ahryle October 31, 2007 at 12:19 am

    hi!!!! nice to see ur blog

  38. 38    elonalyn October 31, 2007 at 3:09 am

    hay poh ako poh c lhea

  39. 39    boy October 31, 2007 at 6:10 am

    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  40. 40    Roberto October 31, 2007 at 7:16 am

    love n pain always come together.yeahh,…. we’re in the same page.
    my friend once said that it’s better to cry over the truth than to smile over the lies.
    but, after read ur blog i think it’s better to smile over lies.
    sometimes d truth is no longer important when it hurts,…..
    it always hurts……..

  41. 41    Gela October 31, 2007 at 7:59 am

    I agree with you that when we love we are exposing our heart on risk to get hurt…:(

  42. 42    Lani October 31, 2007 at 7:07 pm

    What is it you think you seek?…If you are indeed seeking for something that is…just being curious here…

  43. 43    Derx October 31, 2007 at 11:26 pm

    wow

  44. 44    '-BhAbY bAnGz-' November 1, 2007 at 5:28 am

    nIcE 1 PU!!

  45. 45    gayathri November 2, 2007 at 1:54 am

    Wow, nicely written. I really enjoyed reading your piece. The flow from literary conventions to the simplistic writing of emotions is fascinating. I wonder if you did it intentionally or by accident.
    If you son’t mind, I have to say. Man is nothing like a starfish. Our hearts do not grow back It merely heals with a part missing, and that’s ok. You savour the pain in memory and live to enjoy the experiential moments of pain. The more you do this, the more memories you have.
    By the time you reach the end of the road, ‘YOU’ don’t matter anymore because all that is left is momeories and the etches of wisdom in the folds of your time.
    Live and let die, my friend. Don’t try to grow back what is lost. A starfish needs every ‘leg’. We don’t.

  46. 46    Luzette November 3, 2007 at 10:16 am

    Very nice!! I like the way you look at life and how you relate yourself to starfish! I’ve already seen a real one..I’ve seen quite a few actually but I didn’t know that it can grow itself back once any part of it is cut…I know though that if you expose it in the sun for a long time…out of the sea water…it will die and harden as a soft rock. This is a very insightful blog! Good job!!

  47. 47    Allan November 3, 2007 at 10:19 pm

    this is the truth about life… Reality!!!

  48. 48    Anggalia November 4, 2007 at 4:47 am

    never known you before (even in my past life), yet been touched by thy writing…errr…no words to roll right now, but hello, maybe? ive never thought that men can ever be overridden by their emotions, looking at them, somehow I have a feeling that God has made them exceptions in bearing such amazing yet scary things..that thought leaves me longing to be a man, cause many times do I wish that I were a disembodied creature without emotions…too much to bear, like u said, too gigantic for a tiny heart…and they are not even in our heart, right…brain conspiracy or stuff…
    well, hello again…

  49. 49    yanie November 4, 2007 at 7:34 pm

    hi

  50. 50    Cressida November 5, 2007 at 4:01 am

    Hai friend…

  51. 51    eSSie November 5, 2007 at 6:51 pm

    “Sometimes relationships can take you down under, so deep you cannot go back up to take your short-period breath.”
    Damn! I can totally relate o this one.

  52. 52    charille anne November 6, 2007 at 12:27 am

    “anything happen in your and our life God already plan it maybe He only want to test you on how you can deal with this problem..know what friend God is only the answer in every problem you must know how to talk to him in a proper way so your burden will be much gone.

  53. 53    edZ November 6, 2007 at 6:44 pm

    Ya.
    I feel the pain boy….
    It sucks but we must live life after all

  54. 54    jonalyn November 6, 2007 at 8:04 pm

    hi,can you be my freinds?

  55. 55    alexis george November 6, 2007 at 9:26 pm

    Either way, becoming human is learning to be human after all.

    I would like to comment regarding becoming human is learning to be human after all…
    despite the obstacles dont lose hope.. keep holding on…
    Man are complicated animals expect the unexpectable from them..

  56. 56    jocelyn November 7, 2007 at 3:00 am

    wala lang,,,

  57. 57    abner November 7, 2007 at 4:32 am

    heeeeeee……….

  58. 58    Hazel November 7, 2007 at 6:18 am

    pain is allowable to us human. we need to be hurt so we will have reason to call unto God. if we are always okay.happy and gay we will have a lot of tendency to forget or set aside our God.
    God uses our agony for us to get to know He is powerfull and that we can call unto Him. it’s like showing us that He will not only ease our pain but He will make us whole.
    just want to remind you of the story footprints on the sand!!!

  59. 59    michelle November 7, 2007 at 6:54 am

    hi can you add me at my YM? trajechelle@yahoo.com

  60. 60    maria gracia November 8, 2007 at 6:55 pm

    wow…napaka deep mo nmn…

  61. 61    edward November 9, 2007 at 3:50 pm

    look good
    \

  62. 62    moises john November 10, 2007 at 2:12 am

    what can i say??? he is a man with a great sense…..galing..a one in a million

  63. 63    zachary November 10, 2007 at 3:23 am

    GREAT!!

  64. 64    jolyn ann November 10, 2007 at 3:57 am

    i like it….

  65. 65    cherry jane November 10, 2007 at 4:11 am

    hi,,,,,,,,,
    add invite me plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  66. 66    cecille paulita November 10, 2007 at 3:38 pm

    nice insights, hope you post some more.

  67. 67    Lei November 10, 2007 at 4:13 pm

    hi!! hello!!!!!!!!!

  68. 68    Love November 11, 2007 at 12:33 am

    hi…
    don’t you ever worry…coz in every storm God promise that sun will shine and you’ll face a new day!

    Behind the dark clouds the sun is shining..God loves you!

  69. 69    STEPHANIE November 11, 2007 at 5:23 pm

    really really nice..its very rare for a guy to write/do such thing (you know,very open to let people know that you’re vulnerable)..keep it up dude.. =)

  70. 70    optiques November 11, 2007 at 10:10 pm

    nice, that’s all i can say… well i know somehow we can get through this ^_^ as you have said it’s a part of being a human… yes, it’s very painful but it’ll definitely help us grow… keep you spirit up! Godbless

  71. 71    Ric November 11, 2007 at 11:50 pm

    man ur superb.. the way u wrte down ur lines… it nlighten up some of my senses.. cnt wait to read ur futre writings… God Bless man!!! :P

  72. 72    歓迎 November 12, 2007 at 12:39 am

    You’re Cute :P You gay?
    Add me at confessionsmemories@hotmail.com
    I like you sexy

  73. 73    ice November 12, 2007 at 7:51 am

    …those words were so powerful,,it even touches my soul deep within and it makes me wonder the life i have lived for…

  74. 74    c i a November 12, 2007 at 7:54 pm

    hmmmm..
    nice,,

    u cute..
    i guess..

  75. 75    sugi November 13, 2007 at 3:55 am

    i love your cock……….

    TheR_boys

  76. 76    marie grace November 13, 2007 at 8:48 am

    wow! your blog touches me. i hope we can be friends and share our thoughts in life.

  77. 77    dewi November 13, 2007 at 3:40 pm

    are you feel alone? we are same…

  78. 78    jun November 13, 2007 at 8:50 pm

    hey

  79. 79    Abby November 14, 2007 at 12:26 am

    it’s definitely a 1 of a kind.. it touches my whole being dear. it even struck my hypothalamus & up to the apex of my heart. kidding aside, i love what you wrote. a lot of thanks for sharing that piece to us.. it inspires me to make something different from what you wrote yet equally sensible piece of something like what you have. hhmmmm….. after break ups, i used to say im okay, im happy, i’ve moved on when the truth is.. i haven’t
    i cannot
    maybe, i never will

    but we have to.. we’re not starfishes dear! God bless..

  80. 80    jeanalyn November 14, 2007 at 1:07 am

    hello,,,only my comment is????? ur so hundsome,,,N.A.C.K.S HEKHEKHEK!!!!!!!

  81. 81    joan November 14, 2007 at 9:00 am

    WOW.. SO NICE MASAGE, I SO LEARN IN MY FAST…ITS NOT EASY TO GET HURT…KNOW THAT GOD WILL TEACH US TO HANDLE THIS KIND

  82. 82    joan November 14, 2007 at 9:05 am

    DEFINATLY TILL NOW i fell alone…hurt???YES….but it help me to grow….always believe in your self……….

  83. 83    yuni November 14, 2007 at 6:35 pm

    Actually i dunno what to say..but i felt the same u do, n i believe that my heart are recovered but it will still have the line mark all along it from one side to another. And i also know that i cant use that part of heart, cos it would be unhealthy to be used to love again, but though im trying to use my other part (which is unmark) to love anyone again, hope could do it…

  84. 84    mark stephen November 14, 2007 at 8:43 pm

    hi!how are you??

  85. 85    lex November 15, 2007 at 1:02 am

    nice ha!!!!

  86. 86    jhenidge November 15, 2007 at 3:29 am

    nice one…

  87. 87    JM November 15, 2007 at 4:11 am

    man… what an emotion!nice!

  88. 88    Leslie daryl November 16, 2007 at 3:38 am

    familiar., it almost feels like it is my own thoughts., complicated.,

  89. 89    Sher November 16, 2007 at 6:38 pm

    Man! All i can say is that when your heart is breaking, no one can exactly understand you.
    It is yours alone, self-contained, unintentionally unshared……. Just like mine.

  90. 90    flerida November 16, 2007 at 8:38 pm

    is that really you in the pic?
    still,so mysterious,hehehe

  91. 91    Ma Claudette November 16, 2007 at 10:11 pm

    hi!!!!can u add me?claudetskie_27@yahoo.com
    tnx

  92. 92    Intan November 17, 2007 at 12:03 am

    da words really came from u.? if so then WOW.. da words ‘growing back iz x juz juz my heart, but da pain 2′ amazingly interest me..

  93. 93    Ivy November 17, 2007 at 1:06 am

    pain can leave us empty sometimes…..but it is when we are empty that God settles in and like a genius, he makes wonderful things out of our emptiness…

    the story of Elisha attests to that.*2kings4:1-7*

    one thing i learned in life: Love is the only freedom that can never be snatched away from man. The choice is always served, it is up to us however, whether we are up to the challenges it posts…and ones we are in it is very difficult to quit…That sometimes what we can do to do to our advantage is pick our maturity from that learning process…and from that, we begin to live.

  94. 94    kayLani November 17, 2007 at 1:11 am

    thats nyc!great!super!!!

  95. 95    lyka November 17, 2007 at 2:47 am

    it’s d best blog i’d ever read….kip up d good work.

  96. 96    donalane November 17, 2007 at 9:17 pm

    wow!what a good piece….

  97. 97    Rhina November 17, 2007 at 10:43 pm

    wow! what a very deep kind of though & feelings to share which honestly i can relate so much…. wish u peace & happiness always :-)

  98. 98    Rhina November 17, 2007 at 10:45 pm

    wow! what a very deep kind of thought & feelings to share which honestly i can relate so much…. wish u peace & happiness always :-)

  99. 99    yoni November 18, 2007 at 12:56 am

    hlo.i don’t talk englis.you want to ky frends?

  100. 100    yoni November 18, 2007 at 1:06 am

    hlo.i don’t talk englis.you want to ky frends?

  101. 101    ramdhania November 18, 2007 at 8:23 pm

    it’s just like what I feel now,,,thanks ^_^
    nice to know you,,dun’t 4get 2add me ok?!?

  102. 102    aMeSz November 19, 2007 at 1:13 am

    god!!! i like the way u think~ btw… tried to view ur profile but it was hacked? huh?

  103. 103    DJ November 19, 2007 at 5:27 am

    Love your posting.! salam from Jakarta

  104. 104    uphie November 19, 2007 at 4:33 pm

    ‘to forgive is to be grateful for every pain that actually had made you stronger’. i got this line from oprah. a lot of people regrets of exposing themselves towards pain, but in fact, pain in an unsplittable substance from life itself; thus, although difficult, there’s really no point in mourning if we think about is as what ‘we learn’, rite?

  105. 105    hanipha November 19, 2007 at 6:09 pm

    helow!!!!how are you???

  106. 106    Angeli grace November 19, 2007 at 7:49 pm

    hello

  107. 107    OzwaLdz November 19, 2007 at 11:46 pm

    this is such a nice piece though some lines are grammatically incorrect. i wasn’t able to notice it at first but as i went over it, i found out lots of errors though. but, technically speaking, this is such a beautiful and meaningful piece. i hope you won’t get offended, i’m just trying to let you see that you almost had this piece done perfectly you just had few grammar lapses. nevertheless, i’ve never read such a great piece before. looking forward to read your next “would be” piece…

  108. 108    alyssa November 20, 2007 at 12:34 am

    before i want to see ur blog i am thinking that wat i will see but still ssssssssoooooooo beautiful

  109. 109    Eky November 20, 2007 at 3:21 am

    aryt! thats some thoughts you got there huh!!
    i was wondrin’ bout wat uv been doin lately?
    anyways
    Cool one

  110. 110    hubby 10 05 07 November 20, 2007 at 6:32 am

    wow.! this one is really great… i agree with you… if only we could make our hearts be whole again after it was break… but i guess, it’s all a dream… i hope now, it’s already whole…. wish you luck….

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