Bra1n-w@shed

My oh my, it’s end of year
(again). It felt like I was just entering 2007 with a bright, energetic and
full of resolution ready to be fulfilled. Now it’s Santa’s turn to be busy
making his list and me also with my how-did-i-finish-another-year list. Hmm, I
guess it is done and now it’s time to move on to another page of myself and
stepping into another realm of life level. It’s sweet, bitter, dark yet
adventurous this remarkable year of 2007, His guide is so real I can feel Him
touching me and say: “You did great, My son.”

Well, all we want is something
happy for ourselves, our family, our love story to turned out to be okay and
yes, pocket full of ching-ka-ching. I made some happen this year, some went bad
and disturbing, but most of them make a good mixture of my life story. If I
read my blog, most of them filled with stories of desperation, courage of being
tortured and fragile single soul afraid to be left out alone in the big jungle.
Guess what? No sir not next year. Years to come I will be more mature and self
reliant, more powerful to fight them, more controllable the other me inside,
brave to spit on your faces and say no to what I really don’t like doing.
Sounds harsh, but as a tree grow tall, it will grow stronger and harder. Maybe
I can’t put aside my melodrama-personality; at least I can make this pathetic
life more interesting with dramatic point of view.

I really can see the difference I
made throughout the year, especially for the past 8 year. Back in those days I
was a heavy-class loner. I had a different family, a family who doesn’t hear me
out and lock me inside a block full of silly rules and nonsense advices. I grew
out to be a person with a black and white vision of the world outside, no
rainbows, no butterflies or colorful lollipops. Until I was introduce to a
world of relationship, full of ridiculous dreams and hope of long lasting love
until the day that I die. Well, it works at the beginning, but after 4 years,
things start to crumble down. People lie to me; they throw away the true
meaning of love, only sex and meaningless words. It was sick and I was falling
right into its black hole.

“That everyday people, they lie to God too. So what makes you think,
that they won’t lie to you?” that’s what my sista, Lauryn Hill told me. So
I start to build the firewall against the world outside, not a single trusted
program can enter my delicate heart. It was me with full anger capacity, cold
against every people try to reach in. But somehow deep inside, I was lonely and
more hurt than before, damage by my own ego and self-denial. At the beginning
of 2007 I did promise that I will try once more to walk on the yellow brick
road leading to sunshine and beautiful shores. So, I gave myself another chance
and I found him. I didn’t trust him at first, well how could I? I could even
trust myself. Bit by bit, I feel something was different about me, after I cool
myself down for a while. I start to loosen up and feel the life I’m living.

My point is, I change myself like
no one can do it. I’m an engineer for my own heart, body and soul. The lesson I
learn wasn’t easy and cute, but meaningful turning me to be stronger to face
another year. Yeah, life always has its own way to protect us somehow. Between
the barb wires and open wounds, we can always find hands that will heal us and
at least make the pain go away. All I can say is: have a blast end of year
guys. Be crazy, be happy, be fun with yourself becoz it’s your life after all.
Ciao!!