Bra1n-w@shed

Have
you ever reach that point where your life suddenly changes? I mean by changes,
is big, major, extreme, vast change. Where everything that means the world to
you is suddenly just a small pebble and it so longer mean anything now. Because
you believe that something even better is waiting and coming soon. But it all
start with sacrifices; everybody must do a little sacrifices.

I
must confess that now I’m on the stage of changing. What the preachers are
preaching every Sunday mass is happening to me now. What people say in famous
books I’m reading is touching me now, because I believe. Believe in what? In
nothing. When nothing is matter, that is when I can feel free, that’s the time
that I leave all the burdens and become this new…me.

When
I walk home today the sky was dark, the streets were crowded with cars and
motors and busy people trying to get home too. And I see in my pocket is
nothing but around 5 dollar. Now that’s for.. I dunno, until I got my first pay
check, and that is until I got a job first. I don’t deny I’m stressed out,
[hey, I’m no Superman here] but I’m not depressed. Live is full of color and
this one is just a bit of grayish.

Well,
you can say I’m depressed actually. Why? Because in the past week I felt that
someone’s is following me in the street as I crossing, on the bridge and on the
sidewalk. When I look back there was no one there. I see shadows approaching
and I can feel it touches me on my shoulder but there was no one. Hell, its
kinda freak me out, hahahaha.

My
life is on the verge. Gosh, how ironic I’m using the word “verge” when I only
read it in other’s people story in a magazine in the column of “sit and weep”. I got debts to
clear, bills to pay and I ain’t even got a real job. Just thousands and
thousands of interview. But not a word of giving up coming out of my mouth. This
is time for me to change, to throw the old bad habits [oh yeah, I’ve been a
bad, bad boy]. God touches me and remind me that I’ve been spoiling His
blessing. I always want the honey but never taste a sour medicine.

This
is hurt I’m telling you, but all of this is the way to wake me up. Nothing as
good as we’re still reminded with a little gentle touch from the Sweet Lord. Hey,
this probably the gentlest reminder, who knows there are far more harsh way. I just
smile, use my brain and listen to what He gotta say. To many times I close my
ears and eyes and always do what my ego told me.

We
just have to listen when we still could. And the smartest way to listen is when
we learn to be quiet. In peace we can hear He lead us to a better path. We may
not walking or running, maybe we’re crawling slowly so we don’t miss anything. As
in this changes happen, I must put it in action too. I learn to forgive
everyone and forgive myself. Sometimes even a principle and idealism can be
altered as part of sacrificing for a better and bigger part. Because I believe I
can fulfill my goals and still become a better person [hey, I’m living my name!]

Strength,
courage and wisdom, that’s all I need.

I dedicate this writing to Alexander Riau, a
friend in need is a friend indeed.