It’s 11:01 pm, just precisely fifty-nine minutes away from October 10th and I’m here sitting in my room with the light turn down low and accompanied by my old friend, Hairy Scary. He’s a dark stuffed gorilla I got from the flea market in Australia years back. He’s been with me since then and he’s a good listener too.
I have nothing to say here. Just simply hearing my thoughts from the day I try to avoid. With Tom Waits playing on my notebook, singing You’re Innocent When You’re Dream. I got that song from Paul Agusta, a good friend of mine; he’s a movie director and a man with broad view in art especially about films and music. We happen to have the same taste in music, we like that satyr-dark-gloomy kind of music.
My mind trying to swim back to the last 8 years back, where I was totally different from whom I am now. I mean lots of things life has taught me. My mind and body have been experiencing a lot. My heart has been break into parts I can’t even pick it up again. People come and people go. Just like a sponge I’m absorbing those valuable lessons and have become someone much more mature, sadly in a bitter way.
Have you ever think that all of the people in your life will 
never, ever stay forever? They will leave you as soon they had done play their part in your life and you learned something from them. The bad, the good even things you thought ridiculous to you, it’s actually supposed to happen on purpose. They leave you in so many different ways; some are not as good ending as you want it to be. But it’s true, because I experienced it for myself.
Now that I’m turning twenty-five, facing the facts that I have failed to fulfill my dream since I was ten-years-old. The dream of becoming somebody and have a great life in New York City has vanished in time just like that. I learn my lesson as I see my failure, that not everything I wanted to be supposed to happen. My perfectionism is tested and sees how I can handle disappointment, especially when it comes from me.
The bar I set is was not too high, but life doesn’t want it to happen now. Yes, it’s about time. The now is equal to ego and desire of our own. When we understand and sometimes forgot that we never have control over time. The human in us playing too much part in managing the universe. We eventually will get what we wanted, but sometimes it happens in different moment for everybody.
So here I am, ready or not, I must take the result that I didn’t get what I want in my own time. I always believe something bigger and better waiting for me in other time. Taming my anger for being disappointed by my own ego is so hard but it’s just another lesson I must learn. Thus, I always wish that I could have a real family with my own mom and dad, wherever you guys are. That’s my only wish this year.
SMS to The Lord: God, thank You for giving me so many friends in my life, people that truly cares ‘bout me. Thank You for the ups and down in my life, that I learn my lessons, knowing I gain more strength in life. Thank You for Your blessing that I still live to see Your wonders and feel Your blessings. Thank You that for I know for sure, I will always be loved by You my sweet Lord. And that’s all that matters.
You give me an idea for sending some messages to the God. Just for let him knows that i’m lonelly inside
Again,happy birthday hunny bunny sweetie pie *huek*.
Haha.
Oh,come ooonn.
Don’t be so hard on yourself,darl’.
You still have time.
Just see this as an opportunity for you to be more prepared.
The day WILL come,love.
Who knows, we might be living the NY dream together.
Hehe.
Just takes a bit more of hard work.
Don’t give up just yet.
I ain’t having no baby with no quitter.
hapie birthday….. ur words r deep yet so wonderful.i gv me whole load of meaning about things.like tat very much.u gv grown termendously.well done!
Happy birthday! Birthday, boy… you’ve got to keep going… Life events have their own purposes, and you’ll never know until you reach the finish line… so you’ve got to keep going…
You’re still young and have so many time for everything…
pwede ba?
that was a good read i had… worth droppin by on your page… thanks for sharing a bit of your life…
i will pray for your happiness ;o) be safe and god bless you…
your virtual friend,
eisey ;o)
Happy happy happy birthday to you…let’s live and hope for our dreams come true. I so believed in you. Someday, you’ll be in new york city. Someday you’ll be with your own family and someday people just come and not leaving anymore and stay forever. As long as you have faith in God and in yourself…life is still worth living for. Cheers
Happy happy happy birthday to you…let’s live and hope for our dreams come true. I so believed in you. Someday, you’ll be in new york city. Someday you’ll be with your own family and someday people just come and not leaving anymore and stay forever. As long as you have faith in God and in yourself…life is still worth living for. Cheers ;
Happy belated birthday!
happy happy birthday 2 my friend tricia,,,,,,,,
sana ay maging maganda ang birthday mo,,,,,sana ay maging masaya ka plagi,,,,,ilove you friend muaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
well done… great message! it was worth of my time reading… belated happy birthday to you and wish the best of everything you deserve.
elow
happy happy birthday to you…let’s live and hope for our dreams come true. I so believed in you. Someday, you’ll be in new york city. Someday you’ll be with your own family and someday people just come and not leaving anymore and stay forever. As long as you have faith in God and in yourself…life is still worth living for. Cheers
8 melanie
hi……
hi…been reading your writing this past few months..
and you inspire me alot…
i am also into blogging…
your writings make sense…
i have featured one of your articles…
hi… how are uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…….
can u b my friend??????? tnx…
hmppz.. happy bday.. may GOD Bless ur bday friend.. heheh
can we be a friend .. heheh im mariz.. pretty but simple.. heheh.. christian and wants christian also.. heheh.. tke care GODBLESS
“Life is beautiful, but it’s complicated”
Happy birthday to you..and Happy birthday to me..
God Bless us..
have a wonderfulday…………..
what an awesome words you got here..i can relate most of it..well that’s life we must continue breathing..believing and hoping as long as God is permitting us to stay here on this cruel world.Happy birthday.
gw,,, tau mngkin gw mnusia yg pling hina….. tp orng hnya mandang luar gw aja…
mngkin orng ngk tau dlamnya gw kan kyak gmana?????????
gw pngen bnget pnya bnyak tman dr indonesia…… yg bsa nrima gw ya wlaupun gw ni jlek gtu
Happy belated b’day.
Ok.I know I already left a comment but , I .. just.. can’t keep this.
You,my darling, have some of the weirdest comment - givers.. ever.
hahaha.
For instance, watdefak is wrong with number 23 ?.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA !!.