Bra1n-w@shed

It’s almost 2 in the morning and I just say goodbye to him.

His flight to the States is at 6 in the morning, leaving from Soekarno-Hatta Airport in Jakarta to JFK. A wonderful 3 days and it felt so short. Now silly me, playing Emma Bunton - Maybe on my Windows Media Player with smiling face while writing this thing.

He’s a sweet, big-tall guy with gorgeous bluish-grey-yellow eyes and shoulder-long golden brown hair. With his stubby face that are so irresistible, he always gave me this sweet big smile. Everywhere he carries this big bass instrument that more looks like a white-coffin if people didn’t notice the brand on the case. I’m not into western guy actually, but this guy, this particular guy just knocks my wall off.

Our first meeting was funny and a weird coincidence in a cute way. He’s one of the artists I was arrange the accommodation at the hotel he and his group was staying at. And I guessed precisely before he introduced to me what music group he was in. Life always has funny surprises left for me in the box I once wrapped up and left behind.

Well, I believe this is what life wants me to do. Or what Bonz told me, “just lighten up, put a sparks in your life.” And I guess he was right. Sometime in my black and white story line, there always a color slipped in and it does make all the difference. In just less than 72 hours he treats me head over feet and I like that. Despite his busy time and I know he’s so damn tired with all the jet lag, lack of sleep and rehearsals, he always left a knot of smile on his face for me.

I don’t put my hopes too high now [for those certain people, I know what you guys are thinking, ehmm.] but at the same time I don’t want to kill my expectation and intuition. Just let life flows and bring sweet changes now and then. When I look over my shoulder I see many people who I thought was dear to me has let me down before. Now I know I don’t have anyone to blame but myself. Because actually I’m playing the biggest part and has the control to decide whether I let them do that to me.

Speaking about changes, there’s this one particular friend of mine who expects me to change in his time frame. And I was either giving in excuses or just defending myself at the same time try to make him understand. I told him this:

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking it the whole weekend and I think that the change cannot be made unless I’m all heart. Well, I don’t need to change since the changes will always be there whenever we phases life stage and meet different situation with different people.

Like you for instance, thank you for remind me that I need to get connected to myself again. Life always find its own way to remind me when I’m off the track. My point is it’s not I’m not interested in what you’re saying, oh man, I really do. But the change is something between me and myself. And either I’m realizing it or not [or you realize it or not] I’m already changing.”
And he replied with a bit angry tone with this:

“A lot of people go all along their life and remains the same regardless the situation  dont wanna acknolege their weakness and mistakes and they resist. their dreams dont match their actions. why do u think u see so many ambitious people and so few plain successfull people. cos they simply keep sayin i got it i know now im changing. but nowhere they say changing takes that thing or this thing. how many times did u say to yourself im gonna do this today n then the night comes… and it s still not done, of course u have good excuses. what makes u have no plan getting things done on time? what if u had a way to understand everything clearly, n could finally get everything u want.

have here a situation able to bring to the upper level. it s u to see if u wanna use it and learn.”
And I replied again in hoping he would understand:

“I’m so sorry if my understanding of changes is opposite of what u think..

To answer your question I simply just look and turn back. My life ARE changing. From nothing few years back and now I got so many achievement I’ve done.

I made to a point where I develop into someone with a bit higher level of who I was before.

Well, maybe the difference is my time aren’t in a fast lane as some people but I’m still walking toward that changes. I am changing from nobody into somebody now. and my journey isn’t finished yet, and we can’t say we want to change when we are actually in the step of changing.

I’m aware of what I’ doing and sometimes I do makes mistakes and forget, but thanks to people like you that life has brought me, that keeps on reminds me and waking me up :)”
But he didn’t agree and I feel a bit bad for arguing with him thus I’m still stand corrected to what I believe in what is changes are in my understanding. I like him actually coz he’s smart [he really is] and not many people I could talk with and dive into my vibe of conversation level. I hope we’re still friend’s coz I never take this personal, man.

So what I’m trying to say here is life always changing with so many surprises we never expected. I didn’t expect to feels like New York in November, but I did. Life sometimes aren’t that serious, it don’t mean nothing  but shaking our chains once or twice just to get us back on our feet. And I like that. He promised to visit Indonesia again or I’m gonna be the one visiting him to the States soon. Either way, I wanna see him again.